Some people may tell you I’m a hothead. Ain’t true. I yell, sure. Get over it. That doesn’t mean everything I do doesn’t have some reason. As head coach of the Nebraska Cornhuskers, you gain lots of unwanted attention. Various scumbags floatin’ around, pecking at every little detail. And you know what I’ve realized? I don’t owe none of you nothing. You understand what I’m sayin’?

You schlubs remember Callahan? Want that guy back? Didn’t think so. So shut your yaps and let me do what I do best: coach this team to a semi-successful season, alright? Is that okay with you media-types – you filthy press junkies hungry for every little scoop? You’re the ones knocking down my door, asking me questions. Who needs you? I’m Bo friggin’ Pelini. I hire who I want, when I want. And I play who I want whenever I damn well please. Because the expensive name plate on my overpriced desk says what, again? Bo friggin’ Pelini, that’s right.

If I wanted you to know everything about my Huskers, you’d know it. If I wanted Burkhead stealing all of Taylor’s glory, you best believe Number 22 would be first team All-American. Taylor’s my guy, and won’t nobody ever tell me different. If I wanted someone who knew our system better than Tim Beck, don’t you think I’d would’ve hired them?

I spend 24 hours a day exercising my authority as head coach of one of the finest traditions in college football. Wisconsin, shmishshmonsin. Capiche? We look forward, or rather, I look forward. Straight ahead to my bright and shining future in the coziest job in college football. Because I hold the reins here. Press. Fans. Boosters. Coaches. I don’t have to answer to any of you. Why? Because screw you, that’s why.