Jeremie Austin has a look in his eye. He looks like he’s ready to learn. Like his brain is about to suck in everything it can and help mold his mind into a sharp tool. In reality, Austin is trying to prevent a fart from escaping. Austin’s classmates took notice of his attention, saying he […] Read more
Two freshman pledges stare into an inferno, horrified and enthralled at what they had done. The taller of the two pulls a flask out of his pocket, his hands shaking nervously as he unscrews the cap and pours the dark liquid into his mouth. He passes it to his companion, who finishes the contents in […] Read more
It was a dreary weekend when living Lincoln legend, Washboard Guy, took to the streets, “O” Street in particular, to play the music he loves. And also pan for change. His spot on the “O” Street music scene is locked in, his five-gallon bucket is ready to go to the Nebraska Music Hall of Fame […] Read more
The number of chemistry majors in universities nationwide have abruptly and dramatically declined this week. Sources point to the ending of the hit AMC show “Breaking Bad” as the cause for the rapid decrease in chemistry students. Students rushed their advisors’ offices on Monday morning to make the appropriate changes. Lines reportedly stretched out the […] Read more
After parting ways, former couple, Jacob Williams and Marissa Bell promised to maintain a friendly relationship. Things were complicated, however, when the two discovered they shared the same elective philosophy class. “He’s a great guy and all; I just didn’t feel we were compatible on that level, so I ended it,” Bell said. “He’s been […] Read more
On his way to his Math 107-H class, Honors Program freshman Nick Dagenfeld stopped to readjust his backpack, making sure to emphasize just how heavy it was to all those who passed by. Dagenfeld, who is the current president of his floor and has attended every Neihardt Council meeting so far, wants to emphasize to […] Read more
The Dailyer answers some frequently asked questions about the Affordable Care Act. Visit healthcare.gov for more information. Q) When can I expect the death panels to come to my door? – Karen, 67, Omaha A) Great question Karen, the death squads will only come to your door if your pre-existing condition costs more to treat […] Read more
Recently leaked NSA documents revealed that you should probably stop Google-searching symptoms and just make a doctor appointment. Yet another in the series of shocking secret documents revealed by former data analyst and current traitor, Edward Snowden, these secret files contained proof that the National Security Agency thinks there is no sense in just worrying […] Read more
Chad Davis awoke yesterday morning with an uncharacteristic passion. The junior business administration major arrived to his morning class half an hour early with a spark in his step ready to face the challenges of the day. Instead of going about his usual routine of staring blankly into his iPhone, waiting desperately for a reply […] Read more
As of Friday evening, reports surfaced that area man “Jim Crowley” no longer has any desire to be in the company of his shallow, two-faced ex girlfriend Rachel Hunt. The news comes after several months in which “Jim” felt hollow and worthless, however he now realizes he is better off without that lying skank. Citing […] Read more
