NBA Outsourced To China

Negotiations between team owners and the NBA Players Association halted Wednesday when it became officially announced the the National Basketball Association had indeed be sold to a coalition of buyers in China.

The men’s basketball league’s season has been in jeopardy ever since an agreement could not be reached between the players and owners over their Basketball Related Income rates. reported to have been lead by players like Denver Nuggets’ power forward Kenyon Martin who abandoned the league to play with a squad in China.

Martin spoke with news outlets earlier today: “I didn’t think making a change to the [Chinese Basketball Association] would have such a domino effect around the league. Once I left, everyone started leaving, and now it looks like we’re just picking up and moving the whole damn league over there…”

League Commissioner David Stern, while outraged with Martin’s original decision to abandon the league at its most sensitive moment, is satisfied with the end result.

“They made us an offer we couldn’t refuse. Officially, I’m not allowed to disclose exact figures, but let’s just say it makes that 2.5% we’ve been squabbling over look like chump change. Literally no other conclusion could have made me happier. To top it all off, watching the Boston Celtics become the Zhengzhou Celtics is probably the funniest thing I can think of.”

Stern is one of many league officials who will not only receive a major stipend from the CBA, but also 52.5% of any international merchandising, sales, and any other Basketball Related Income. Players from around the league could not be reached for comment as they aren’t currently on a 14 hour flight aboard a league-sponsored private jet crossing the Pacific Ocean