Thoughtful Mass Murderer Only Killing People On Suicide Watch

John Stalin, an Iowa gas station attendant and mass murderer, said he has decided to start only killing people who want to harm themselves.

Stalin said that all he wants to do is murder people, he doesn’t care who, so “the only responsible thing to do is kill those who already want to stop living.”

“The guilt I feel when I kill someone who doesn’t want to die is getting a little too much for me to handle so I thought, well, it can’t hurt my conscious if I know they already don’t really want to be living,” Stalin said.

“In the end I’m kind of a hero right? Because I’m doing what they want to happen.”

Stalin said he’s been wanting to kill people since he was just “a little guy” and even then when he wanted took out his anger on animals “that wanted to die.”

“I’d see a dog running right in front of a car and I’d say, well that dog obviously doesn’t want to live. It’s the same thing now. I’m only doing what the creature wants me to do,” Stalin said.

“I’m like Santa Claus. I’m giving people the present they really want.”