Nancy Grace, host of her self-titled show, suffered a severe meltdown after she was forced to conclude that the facts of a case were inconclusive. Though Grace strove to condemn a suspected murderer, after reviewing the facts of the legal matter on air she realized that perhaps it was too early to pass judgement. “You […] Read more
It has only been a month since the 2011-2012 Nebraska Men’s basketball season ended, but loyal fans of the Cornhuskers are already looking forward to next year. “I love the Huskers, and always have,” says 51 year-old Lincoln resident Gerald Duval. “But every team has their ups and their downs, and next year’s going to […] Read more
Following the suspension of his closest rival’s campaign, Newt Gingrich declared that he is officially “in a two-person race” for Mill Creek Middle School Student Council in Woodstock, Georgia. The beleaguered candidate, whose fund-raising efforts have flagged in the last month, was reportedly forced to ask his sister, Candice, for spending money. Records also indicate […] Read more
After the Huskers 9-4 football season in 2011, offensive coordinator Tim Beck announced the offense is getting a revamp. Beck further explained that the team would be undergoing a journey to find the cause of those four losses. Following careful study, which included attaching a camera to quarterback Taylor Martinez’s helmet during practice, the coaches […] Read more
In an effort to counteract recent controversy concerning exclusivity within the organization, members of the Association of Students of the University of Nebraska finally responded by hurling flaming bags of human feces onto their critics’ respective porches. The critics, who were said to be numerous yet still apathetic about student government in general, stood by […] Read more
Man arrested for belated possession of ironic t-shirt Early friday afternoon Lincoln police arrested a man, 24, crossing the street adjacent to Anderson hall in downtown wearing a humorous, vintage Wal-mart t-shirt. The shirt’s emblem, seemingly cracked and faded by time, was found by officers only to be a ruse by the apparel manufacturer. The […] Read more
In what many of his brothers are calling the largest embarrassment in the history of the organization, fraternity member John Riley accidentally left his homophobia at home yesterday. The blunder caused Riley to say things like “I see no problem with gay marriage,” “I’m going to accept people for who they are,” and, “it’s pretty […] Read more
The Antelope Valley Parkway, a multi-year construction project marred by delays and funding problems, has finally come to an end. Nature reclaimed the stretch of land late Monday evening by creating a massive sinkhole. Four years of labor, millions of dollars in equipment, and three bikers were swallowed by the massive hole, in addition to […] Read more
A ‘mutual friend’ of both Steven Johnson and Brittany Banks is confirming that, as of 10:17 pm last night, the couple has taken the next step in their relationship and begun officially dating on Facebook. “Brittany was always telling me this was just a casual fling and Steven, well, we never thought he’d settle down,” […] Read more
Q: Are roundabouts are unraveling the fabric of lincoln tourism? A: Forget for a second you live in Lincoln, Neb. Lucky you. Now, right off the bat, I want to get something straight. I’m only doing this because the bowtied ingrates I have to sit next to on the weekends “strongly suggested” I address some […] Read more
