I’m still pretty new on the job. I’ve only been the attorney general for two months and I’d say I’m still learning the ropes of the job. One thing I haven’t had to learn, though, is my unwavering fidelity to the law. It’s right, no matter what. There’s never any reason to question it. In […] Read more
All over this campus, I see nothing but filth and sin. I speak of course of the rampant disrespect and lack of regard for one of our most sacred physical acts: the high five. High fives were given to us in 1977 by God through His prophet, Dusty Baker of the Los Angeles Dodgers. Since […] Read more
Last week, the Launch and Empower Parties clashed in the Union at the Dailyer-sponsored ASUN Mass Debate. But one question hung heavy in the air: What happened to last year’s ASUN winners, the Hashtag Party? While we weren’t able to contact any of them directly, here’s what the DailyER’s reporters have been able to find […] Read more
Following several weeks of talking mad shit about me behind my back, sources close to the situation report that local coward Chuck Wessley doesn’t have the balls to say it to my face. Tensions came to a boiling point Friday night when Wessley reportedly said I was a “tool” and an “immature meat head,” prompting […] Read more
With the NBA Playoffs little more than a month away and teams trying to manage the health of their players, the Chicago Bulls received the news that starting point guard Derrick Rose re-injured his knee. While the 4-6 weeks recovery time is shorter than previously reported, Bulls GM Gar Forman took no chances with his […] Read more
