“I was just minding my own business making that afternoon recipe of deep-fried squash with grits,” said the nameless girl. “Then all of the sudden, he was in buried in the deep frier. What a waste of grease.”

Hector Lannistall, the officer leading the investigation, said the girl would not be charged.

“This has all the makings of a delicious accident,” Lannistall said, noting that an autopsy could not be performed to verify. “We were unable to recover the body, but it was a supersized ordeal, to say the least.”

Most authorities believe the instructor did not take proper precautions near the cooking range.

“He was literally leaning over the fry basket,” Paula Deen, renowned frying expert, said. “He did pretty much everything wrong.”

Some blame the accident on the prevalence of deep-frying in the media through shows like “Spongebob Squarepants” and “Paula’s Home Cooking”, but Deen disagrees.

“The culture isn’t the problem,” Deen said. “[The girl] hadn’t even sautéed before, let alone used a deep fryer. I doubt she even knew how many sticks of butter it takes to fry an egg. It’s six, if anyone doesn’t already know. Putting her in charge of a fryer without the proper training was just irresponsible.”

Current range policy states anyone can use a fryer without background checks or safety training. The spokesperson for the National Frycooks’ Association, Hardy LeMann, commented on the incident.

“I didn’t see any problem with putting a child in charge of a deep fryer,” LeMann said. “I still don’t. Fryers are just tools–it’s all about how you use them. It’s not like we gave her a gun or anything.”