The bursar’s office at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln announced a new fucking student fee Friday, effective for the Spring 2021 semester.

“The new ‘campus sidewalk’ fee will be assessed to all students for their use of UNL’s sidewalks, roads, and alleys,” explained Charles Watson, director of the UNL bursar’s office. “We thought it was appropriate because, fuck it, why not?”

“It’s not like those little shits are going to be able to avoid using the fucking sidewalks, so we have every right to charge their miserable asses four hundred bucks to walk on our sorry pavement,” Watson added.

“What are all those little fuckers going to do about it?” asked Kathy Anderson, assistant director of the bursar’s office. “Transfer your sorry asses to Nebraska Wesleyan? I think not! We could ratchet those fees up even more and still be cheaper than that piss-poor excuse for a private college!”

Chancellor Ronnie Green’s response to the new fee proved apathetic at best.

“When that proposal crossed my desk last month, I barely even looked at it,” explained Green. “If it’s going to make us more dollar dollar bills, why the fuck not? I approved that shit right away.”

Students will see a new charge of $400 on their student bills as soon as next month, in addition to the ever growing list of random-ass fees those sorry dipshits pay every single semester of their meaningless time at UNL.

At press time, Green had recently announced plans to implode two more campus buildings, because, hell, why the fuck not?