On Facebook, there’s been an uptick in Naruto-related activities happening on my timeline. All my friends are “going” to some type of Naruto-style activity and it is making me sick. Whether it’s running off the Pedestrian Bridge like Naruto or running around a hurricane to stop its spin, this gross misinterpretation of Naruto has gone […] Read more
By Uncle Terry Look here pal, I’m a straight shooter, and I don’t buy into all this “political correctness” crap. I’m a straight shooter just like our president, Donald J. Trump, I call’s em as I see’s em, and I see’s ‘em as I don’t like black people all that much. Now yeah, I get […] Read more
The following is a paid advertisement from Babbawabba Baby Mitten Incorporated. HEY, YOU! Yeah you, without any BABIES on your HANDS! I bet you think you look REAL DUMB right now without BABY WARMTH encapsulating your grippers right about now! Well check out THESE things! They’re actual HUMAN BABIES! Conceived and birthed for the sole […] Read more
Shocking both students and faculty who inhabit it, it was revealed that, apparently, you can’t smoke anything – tobacco, marijuana, etc. – inside the University of Nebraska-Lincoln’s English building, Andrews Hall. “Fuck,” said English major Anne Repenning with a lit cigarette in her hands. “I saw everyone doing it, so I thought that we could […] Read more
By: Andre, Age 9 Something really weird but awesome happened to Calvin last week. Just because his parents don’t live with each other anymore, they gave him a Nintendo DS for free. After Sunday, when Calvin’s mom told Calvin’s dad to “get lost,” she told Calvin and his sister Kathy that “everything would be better” […] Read more
By: Joseph, Age 10 Dude, dude, dude, Lenny just told me something. I don’t care if you’re in the middle of “Monster Hunter,” listen! So, Sam apparently tried giving Becca a present in English class. What? Oh, like some fake ring or something, I dunno. Totally lame. But, anyway, Jimmy totally has the hots for […] Read more
By Rick, Age 7 Rudy Beck is totally the smartest kid in our class: he always gets perfect grades on his homework, he takes advanced math and he knows about physics and stuff. But, for some reason, he can’t eat peanuts. “Dude, that’s why we can’t eat Reese’s or peanut butter in class?” asked Rudy’s […] Read more
By Billy, Age 6 I think these were the best of the best pictures put on the fridge. My picture of a spider when I was 3 years old. Once, I found a spider under my bed, and I drew that with black crayon for the body, red for the eyes. It was ultra scary, […] Read more
A long, bitter ASUN election came to an end Thursday morning when Better for UNL conceded the election to the Encompass Party. However, one development from the election has UNL administrators scratching their head. Bitterness and apathy that a grueling campaign season creates often causes students to avoid voting altogether by the end of it. […] Read more
Recently, rumors have been circulating around that I am an alien from planet Glorbnob in the Ballucian system. These rumors however, are ridiculous. I am a human from the planet Earth, I enjoy eating 30 cheeseburgers a day and drinking soda pops through my mouth. So how then, I have to ask, could I possibly […] Read more
