UNL housing is declaring the dog search for bedbugs a “huge success” after finding nearly 20 of them, along with over 300 pounds of marijuana. The UNL housing staff decided to search the rooms without any notice to the students so as to “keep the bedbugs guessing.” Unfortunately for the students, and by total coincidence […] Read more
John Stalin, an Iowa gas station attendant and mass murderer, said he has decided to start only killing people who want to harm themselves. Stalin said that all he wants to do is murder people, he doesn’t care who, so “the only responsible thing to do is kill those who already want to stop living.” […] Read more
UNL student George Wright told his friends yesterday that he actually believes that, of the Mexican grills in Lincoln, Qdoba has better-tasting food then Chipotle. The worthless fucking idiot really believes that the chips are saltier, the tortillas fresher, and the guacamole more tasty. “It’s not that I dislike Chipotle, it’s just that if I’m […] Read more
Fringe third-party candidate Steven Downs believes the problems in America can easily be solved with one quick-fix: end all births.The Pro-Abortion candidate believes that every fetus must be aborted if we are going to “bring America back.” Downs, who proudly calls himself a liberal, says that he believes most on the left are actually pro-abortion […] Read more
Last Tuesday a crane slipped from its drilling holes and almost crashed into the Robert E. Knoll Residential Center, a move that the Daily Nebraskan Editorial Board found completely unacceptable. “It is high time for this crane to step aside and let another take its place,” a staff editorial read. “We understand that the crane […] Read more
The U.S. Federal Appeals Court recently ruled that California’s Proposition 8, defining marriage as between a man and a woman, unconstitutional. The ruling was opposed by all three Republican primary candidates, and here is what they had to say: “Well personally, you know… well, I guess it doesn’t really matter what I think personally, you […] Read more
The Association of Students of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln unanimously passed senate bill number 6 last night demanding that Netflix’s instant streaming service add “Boy Meets World” “as soon as humanly possible.” ASUN President Lane Carr called the bill a step in the right direction for college students everywhere and a “slap in the face” […] Read more
Following the Republican Party of South Carolina’s decision to designate Newt Gingrich as its choice for President, the United States of America decided it was time to end their relationship with South Carolina. A letter, written by President Obama, told the people of South Carolina that the nation “can no longer afford to be held […] Read more
Occupy Lincoln recently reached its 100th day and still seems to be going. The DailyER Nebraskan took to the streets to ask local residents how they felt about it. “At first I had to respect their resilience, but now it’s just getting old. I mean seriously, what did these people do for Christmas? Don’t they […] Read more
The UNL housing department is on the defensive this week after claims that several students are being quarantined in the UNL health center with possible SARS-related symptoms. The department continues to deny the rumor even as evidence mounts against them, including the head of Center for Disease Control and Prevention stating that there was a […] Read more
