Standing at 0-4 in the Big Ten conference–including blowout losses to Ohio State and Wisconsin–Doc Sadler made a bold choice. He said he knew that if Nebraska kept playing basketball the way he had taught them, they had no chance at winning a single Big Ten game this season. That’s when it hit him, he […] Read more
Newly minted Defensive Coordinator for the Nebraska Cornhusker football team John Papuchis feels he’s just about ready to lead the defense. That is, of course, right after head coach Bo Pelini explains “every single defensive play one at a time, please.” Papuchis invited the DailyER Nebraskan to sit in the video room with him as […] Read more
Local amateur comedian Steve Cook’s terrorist joke bombed last evening at a local nightclub, causing the death of both the comedian’s reputation and the evening of all the people in the half-empty room. “Thank god the room was only half-full,” club owner John Jacobson said. “Can you imagine if the room had been filled to […] Read more
A goal must be difficult, yet achievable–and for that reason, Doc Sadler, head basketball coach of the Nebraska Cornhuskers, has stated that his only goal for this season is to make sure the team doesn’t cost him his job. “I’m not kidding around with any team accomplishments this year, because we all know this team […] Read more
After spending nearly the entire week celebrating Coach Krzyzewski’s record-breaking 903rd victory, many Duke fans began to reminisce about the old days when the coach used to yell brutal obscenities at every single person on the basketball court. “It didn’t matter who we were playing or who was in the stands. Coach K used to […] Read more
If I was a betting man, and I definitely am, I’d bet that idiot Kansas City Chiefs head coach Todd Haley will get fired in January. The guy couldn’t coach his way out of a fucking paper bag. He’s a hack. He even makes Andy Reid look like he knows what he’s doing. Though if […] Read more
Donald Freuber was just a normal man before Saturday evening. But on that night, Freuber decided to pay for sexual services, a crime in his home state of Nebraska, and a move that forced him to run for Senate. Donald was forced to run for senate after finding that politics seems to be the only […] Read more
The Almighty God admitted yesterday that he was nearly six full decades behind on answering human prayers. The creator of the universe said that he has been “overwhelmed” with the sheer number of humans now on the planet, and that all of them keep praying for “the same stupid things.” “Yesterday I answered a prayer […] Read more
Local Pervert Steven McPhilbin reported that a recent pornography debate he saw on the internet was ruined by the complete absence of naked lesbians. Misled by a link that stated the pornography debate would be debated between some hot, young, naked girls, McPhilbin was disappointed to find it sent him to a YouTube clip of […] Read more
In a record-breaking move, the Johnson family added nearly four dollars to their swear jar yesterday. The donations came after a lengthy dinner table argument over whether eldest son Matthew should be able to hang out with his friend Chad on Friday evening. The fight allegedly started rather innocently, with Matthew asking his parents if […] Read more
