On Thursday November 10, at around eleven pm, the campus utility plant decided to strangle itself and gargle like a garbage disposal for an hour. Innocent passersby’s ears were assaulted by the obnoxious noise until it miraculously stopped hours later. Everything went back to normal, not one thing out of the ordinary. The next morning, a large chemical truck was seen at the scene, not a person in sight. Has anybody actually seen a person in that building? And what kind of place actually warrants an in-house chemist and round the clock workers? 

But what caused this noise? Why then? What could possibly be going on at that late at night to warrant such an ungodly sound?

The solution, though far-fetched, is that there is privately funded, contracted research going on in this so-called ‘utility plant’. Specifically, research done on students who have been on academic probation for too long. 

There are multiple witnesses, who wish to remain anonymous, that discovered tubs of students’ items in the basement of Sandoz Hall in 2019. These tubs—full of TV’s, clothes, decorations, and microwaves—suggest that these students were removed from campus in such a quick timespan that campus housing didn’t have enough time to take away their things. 

The only logical explanation that can possibly explain this would be experimentation, and where else would be the perfect, unassuming place? The Utility Plant. Connected by the tunnels under Love Library, the scientists are able to transport the selected students to and from different campus buildings for experimentation.

This can only be the beginning, what’s next for the unsuspecting students of UNL? The illuminati? Or worse, the antichrist—Willa Cather.