Libraries?! Ewwww-gross-blegggh. This reaction is heard all too often on college campuses across the US and who can blame them? These ugly temples of “higher learning” cast mar the vistas of our universities and cast a grim shadow over our longboarders. But libraries aren’t just a repulsive exterior anymore, the inside is even worse. The […] Read more
Reports surfaced early Saturday morning that the previous night a staff writer for the Dailyer, whose name has been redacted from this article, in the heat of passion screamed out the name of one of his editors instead of the woman he was currently making love to. “Aaaahhhhhhhhhh DANNY!!!” [REDACTED] allegedly exclaimed at the climax […] Read more
Mike Bounds has yet to take over his official duties as UNL’s newest President but the campus’s jocks and buff bodies have already weighed in their opinions. “Dude’s a nerd,” declared Eric Fuller, Junior strong man/accounting major. “Total dweeb,” added Dan Rodriguez, local tough. The new President, who brings with him years of experience working […] Read more
In a move that shocked multiple neighbors, Lincoln stay-at-home dad Julian Brady recently refrained from crying until his wife, Dr. Amanda Brady, a neurosurgeon, returned from work. Holding a Ph.D. in English literature, Brady is frequently referred to as “Lincoln’s most overqualified house husband.” In light of his standing as one of the nation’s top […] Read more
1. Wear nine jackets. If you don’t have nine jackets, remember that other students must surrender their own to you if bested in a contest of skill. 2. Dig deep, deep beneath the surface — where it’s still warm. 3. Coat skin in animal fat. 4. Spend four days and nights outdoors to become one […] Read more
On the outside, freshman engineering major Jane Frank looks about as normal as any other young woman. She has long brown hair, has an average height, wears jeans and sweaters and wears sunglasses when it’s sunny outside. But there’s more to her than meets the eye. Frank says that her sunglasses not only block out […] Read more
This world is full of bleak reminders of the fatal idiocy and ignorance that plague it. Lucky, people have learned how to block out all that white noise. Skull Candy headphones, once used primarily for listening to The Used if you weren’t one of the sheep, can now be used to drown out this stupid, […] Read more
Once they not only heard the jarring fire alarm, smelled the char of smoke and heard the panic from below, the pale students on the fourth floor of Hamilton Hall silently yet bravely accepted their doom. On the wall of the classroom several diagrams explained exactly what route to take out of the building in […] Read more
Chancellor Harvey Perlman is many things: Husband, father, lover, leader, human scarecrow, a man found in pictures hidden deep in the wallets of every Dailyer correspondent for them to hold or kiss in times of loneliness or sorrow, but the one thing he is not is wrong. Yet as UNL moves closer to 2017 and […] Read more
You think this is cold, you little wimp? I’ll tell you about cold. Take a seat by me here. I remember the Blizzard of ‘37, it was the worst snow we had seen since the South lost the war for states’ rights. The snow was so high that we couldn’t even walk anywhere. We had […] Read more
