Stay-at-home dad concludes afternoon without crying

In a move that shocked multiple neighbors, Lincoln stay-at-home dad Julian Brady recently refrained from crying until his wife, Dr. Amanda Brady, a neurosurgeon, returned from work.

Holding a Ph.D. in English literature, Brady is frequently referred to as “Lincoln’s most overqualified house husband.” In light of his standing as one of the nation’s top authorities on British sonnets, Brady’s decision to stay home came as a surprise to academics across the United States.

Neighbors had been concerned for the past few months, as ever since Brady gave up his teaching position to stay home, neighbors have witnessed him in tears at least once every single day.

“I would always see him carrying his son around the house and these big, wet tears kept falling,” said Mildred Finchman, who lives next to the Brady family. “It’s good to see that he’s started to accept the futility of his life without work.”

For the first few weeks after leaving his position at the university, Brady attempted to continue to research and publish scholarly articles. However, he quickly realized that he was completely unproductive while regularly changing diapers and wiping up child vomit.

“I originally thought I would continue my in-depth analysis of 17th-century poet George Herbert, just outside of a university setting,” said Brady while spooning pureed carrots out of a jar. “I haven’t gotten much reading done on that lately, but I can recite seven different Curious George books from memory.”

While some friends cite a newly positive attitude with the sudden tapering off in length of Brady’s regularly designated weeping hour, others credit his newfound routine of pounding a six-pack during his children’s afternoon naptime.