Nancy Grace, host of her self-titled show, suffered a severe meltdown after she was forced to conclude that the facts of a case were inconclusive. Though Grace strove to condemn a suspected murderer, after reviewing the facts of the legal matter on air she realized that perhaps it was too early to pass judgement. “You […] Read more
Following the suspension of his closest rival’s campaign, Newt Gingrich declared that he is officially “in a two-person race” for Mill Creek Middle School Student Council in Woodstock, Georgia. The beleaguered candidate, whose fund-raising efforts have flagged in the last month, was reportedly forced to ask his sister, Candice, for spending money. Records also indicate […] Read more
Breaking news from Mills, Iowa indicates that an explosion caused by an internal fire at the Mills Power & Electric Plant led to a radiation spillage from the company’s Research and Design wing. Toxic spewage leaked into several of the town’s irrigation tunnels and has since infected many townspeople with varying degrees of radiation […] Read more
Fringe third-party candidate Steven Downs believes the problems in America can easily be solved with one quick-fix: end all births.The Pro-Abortion candidate believes that every fetus must be aborted if we are going to “bring America back.” Downs, who proudly calls himself a liberal, says that he believes most on the left are actually pro-abortion […] Read more
In a move that was greeted by lowered confidence in the housing market and an uptick in interest on his Match.com page, Chairman of the Federal Reserve Ben Bernanke announced that federal interest rates for home loans would be dropped from already historic lows, and that he was ready to begin dating again. The chairman, […] Read more
The U.S. Federal Appeals Court recently ruled that California’s Proposition 8, defining marriage as between a man and a woman, unconstitutional. The ruling was opposed by all three Republican primary candidates, and here is what they had to say: “Well personally, you know… well, I guess it doesn’t really matter what I think personally, you […] Read more
During a campaign stop in Brooklyn, New York, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney decided to evoke an issue that has been so far neglected during the Republican primary: states’ rights. Flanked by Ad-Rock and MCA of the Beastie Boys, a visibly inebriated Romney announced that “it’s time to bring the fight to the PEOPLE. We […] Read more
Following the Republican Party of South Carolina’s decision to designate Newt Gingrich as its choice for President, the United States of America decided it was time to end their relationship with South Carolina. A letter, written by President Obama, told the people of South Carolina that the nation “can no longer afford to be held […] Read more
The White House came under fire Monday during the weekly press release when documents pertaining to certain Executive expenditures revealed an abnormality on the President’s VISA account. Conservative news anchor Steve Doocy revealed the President Barack Obama spent an inordinate amount at a local Five Guys restaurant. “As the upcoming election grows nearer, presidential candidate’s […] Read more
Donald Freuber was just a normal man before Saturday evening. But on that night, Freuber decided to pay for sexual services, a crime in his home state of Nebraska, and a move that forced him to run for Senate. Donald was forced to run for senate after finding that politics seems to be the only […] Read more
