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Sources reported Wednesday that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s spine was still on back order, offering a major blow to the Democrats in their fight against President Trump’s agenda. A spokesperson from McConnell’s office spoke to reporters early Thursday morning to offer an explanation and an apology for the incident. “Despite our best efforts, we […] Read more
The kid ruler of anthropomorphized enigma North Korea yet again defied logic with this Hail Mary from his nation’s defense department. Sources were quick to speculate why Kim Jong-un would invest 4.2 billion dollars into Mega Bloks: more toys for his playroom, to have a statue built in his image, build a subservient South Korea […] Read more
As racial tensions have continued to pressure his presidential administration, Donald Trump has gotten himself into a complex controversy that most anyone with common sense could have avoided. After not denouncing white supremacists after the Charlottesville riot and half-heartedly condoning their actions and then retracting that two days later, our commander-in-chief has been cast as a Nazi […] Read more
The fat and lazy orange cat who has captured the hearts of millions since 1978 is about to undergo a major change starting in September. “Garfield” creator Jim Davis announced in a press conference that the titular feline will now love Mondays. “If you really think about it, Mondays aren’t that bad,” said Davis. “It’s […] Read more
Addressing the press can be a stressful ordeal—especially if your name’s Sean Spicer and your nervous tendencies keep bugging you. “Just shut your faces for like two minutes,” Spicer yelled at a quiet room of reporters, cramming an entire pack of spearmint Stride into his moist pallet. “I just can’t get this damn cap off!” […] Read more
Sam Bennington is an avid explorer of the world. Having been to four different continents, 14 different countries and 30 states, Bennington has seen quite a lot. One state that Bennington has not been to is Utah. With it being only 15 hours away, he’s shocked he has never been there before. However, unlike all […] Read more
There comes a time in every kangaroo’s life where they have to separate themselves from the warm, loving comfort contained within their mother’s pouch. Unless you’re this deadbeat asshole. Jack “Joey” Roofuls is a 4-year-old, sexually mature kangaroo who was awarded the nickname “Joey” because he’s acting like a baby who won’t move the hell […] Read more
White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer has had an eventful month since stepping into his role. With his heated temper and mercurial personality, Spicer has attacked the press for biased journalism and unfair attacks toward President Trump, most famously being his account of the crowd size during the inauguration. While Spicer has claimed to more […] Read more
Facing charges that the dating app doesn’t allow its users to debase themselves and others enough, Tinder announced this week its plans to roll out a Hard No feature in its app, similar to its Super Like feature. Similar to the Super Like, users who receive a Hard No on their profile – sent by […] Read more
