Q: Are roundabouts are unraveling the fabric of lincoln tourism? A: Forget for a second you live in Lincoln, Neb. Lucky you. Now, right off the bat, I want to get something straight. I’m only doing this because the bowtied ingrates I have to sit next to on the weekends “strongly suggested” I address some […] Read more
So it’s about that time again. Apple has finally taken that next big step. Toward what? Who knows. Some call it total world domination, but that isn’t for me to say. Sometimes I don’t know see what the hype is about. Every year we crank out the newest iDoodad, which inevitably does the same thing […] Read more
Courtesy Photo These days you can’t be too careful. As we’re getting closer to election time, it only takes one tiny slip up to end the campaign trail. Take me for example. A month ago I was the frontrunner for the Republican nomination. Then, a few memory lapses here and misquotes there and Santorum comes […] Read more
When I spend $16.40 on pizza, I expect greatness. But every time I call you, you’re pissed off, and I get pissed off that you’re pissed off. All you do is drive around, delivery man. Maybe if you had an eco-friendly car you wouldn’t be pissed off about that two dollar tip. But think about […] Read more
Quite apart from being Second-in-command to the Big Red button, it’s really not bragging to say I’m also an expert in a lot of other stuff. I’ve ridden a lot of trains in my day, for instance. And nothing can really compare with the feeling of sharing one magical, long, lonely ride from DC to […] Read more
If I was a betting man, and I definitely am, I’d bet that idiot Kansas City Chiefs head coach Todd Haley will get fired in January. The guy couldn’t coach his way out of a fucking paper bag. He’s a hack. He even makes Andy Reid look like he knows what he’s doing. Though if […] Read more
So it turns out that what the say is true. Everyone really is a critic. I’m sick and tired of hearing everyone complain about my league. Millions of people watch the NFL, my baby, every weekend, and every weekend all I hear is nagging, nagging, nagging. They always tell me, “Defense just isn’t what it […] Read more
Booyah! Another one bites the dust! Duh duh dun dun dun… ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST!!! Seriously, you guys, I did it. Gaddafi’s taking a dirt nap. And only, like, six months after Bin Laden, too. Damn, it feels good to be me. I fuckin love this whole “wartime president” thing. I get to do […] Read more
Some people may tell you I’m a hothead. Ain’t true. I yell, sure. Get over it. That doesn’t mean everything I do doesn’t have some reason. As head coach of the Nebraska Cornhuskers, you gain lots of unwanted attention. Various scumbags floatin’ around, pecking at every little detail. And you know what I’ve realized? I […] Read more
I am writing to assuage any fears you may have, as residents of a great state, about the Keystone XL Pipeline my company plans to install a few years hence. I would like to assure you, from the bottom of my heart, that I and my team of TransCanada colleagues are scientists; the aquifer fish […] Read more
