News outlets were flooded last week when a video entitled “KONY 2012” made rounds on nearly every social media platform in the space of 48 hours. Since its first appearance, it has garnered over 20 million hits. The video is sponsored by Invisible Children, a charitable organization fighting the abduction and militarization of Ugandan children. […] Read more
Defying the popular notion that the UN is largely useless as an international peace-keeping body, the UN Security Council passed a resolution yesterday condemning the violent crackdown in Slyriah by President Masar al-Ushad. Ban Ki-Moon, the UN Secretary General, praised China and Russia for finally agreeing to a resolution in conjunction with the US and […] Read more
The Almighty God admitted yesterday that he was nearly six full decades behind on answering human prayers. The creator of the universe said that he has been “overwhelmed” with the sheer number of humans now on the planet, and that all of them keep praying for “the same stupid things.” “Yesterday I answered a prayer […] Read more
Negotiations between team owners and the NBA Players Association halted Wednesday when it became officially announced the the National Basketball Association had indeed be sold to a coalition of buyers in China. The men’s basketball league’s season has been in jeopardy ever since an agreement could not be reached between the players and owners over […] Read more
The King of Saudi Arabia, Abdullah bin Abdul-Aziz Al Saud, announced he would be allowing women in his kingdom the right to vote against the furthering of women’s rights. Under the new law, women will be allowed to vote for continuing the ban on women drivers and furthering the dress code policy that allows only […] Read more
Story by Grace Mortensen On February 23, thousands of Greek workers took to the streets in protest. “I’m not really sure what we’re protesting. I just came for the free baklava,” said Anatole Katsopolis, an elderly Greek man with a hairy chest and thick gold chain around his neck. As it turns out, Greek citizens […] Read more
Story by Grace Mortensen Former Tunisian President Zine El Abidine Ben Ali is reported to be enjoying his time out of office. “Surprisingly, retirement is treating me very well,” said the former leader. Ben Ali ended his 23 year dictatorship on Jan. 14, when the people of Tunisia kindly asked him to step down. “They […] Read more
As the violent revolutions rage on in Egypt, Yemen and Tunisia, interested parties have been debating solutions to soothe the unrest. While international organizations find themselves short-handed in devising such plans, there seems to be a sliver of hope in the form of a stocky, white man, residing comfortably in his mother’s Lincoln basement. “The […] Read more
“Let my people go” was a common chant from the raging streets of Cairo. Cats flooded the streets, and passersby stopped their protesting to worship them. Mummies were also reported to have reanimated themselves to join in active disapproval of the Pharaoh’s command, which has been sustained since before the Common Era. “Really, it has […] Read more
Aung San Suu Kyi finally obtained internet access this past week following her 15-year stint under house arrest, marking it her first experience with the World Wide Web since its creation. After hours of browsing, Suu Kyi summed up her initial reaction in three words. “What the hell?” Suu Kyi asked, eyes wide in disbelief. […] Read more
