Lincoln detective Rex Zerigata lit his cigar and took a giant puff, sighing as he exhaled white smoke into the pitch black sky. But then, he quickly saw that other people were around and disposed his cigar out of courtesy.

“Well, some shit did happen, tonight,” Zerigata said, adjusting his tortoise shell glasses and scratching his adorable walrus mustache. “But we gotta investigate – we can’t just go assuming any person, whether black or white or grey, is a criminal. People are complex and change.”

Many people in the police force are put off by Zerigata’s outlook on Lincoln’s crime world, considering what he ironically sees on an everyday basis.

“Zerigata once mentioned that, whenever he’s feeling down about a murder case or whenever his latest partner inevitably dies, as is expected of any detective, he just stares into the bright grey sky and watches the white birds fly to and fro,” said Lincoln police officer Pip Novak. “I, uh, don’t know if he even knows what he’s seeing – hasn’t he ever had to draw with crayons when he was a kid? Whatever, he’s a cool guy, if a bit lame.”

Other coworkers share Novak’s sentiments, believing that Zerigata’s ironic predicament is “kinda endearing.”

“I almost lose it when he calls for backup and asks us to follow a ‘white van with guys dressed in all black’ or something like that,” said fellow detective Kyle Broder. “He said that one time, and the van was yellow and the guys were wearing red spandex suits. Took us awhile to finally catch them. About 13 people were gruesomely injured before we did.”

However, coworkers concluded by saying that it’d be even better if Zerigata saw the world in black-and-white metaphorically as well, since that’d be “some meta ‘Sin City’ junk right there.”