The American people breathed a collective sigh of relief yesterday as Congress began a serious, open-discourse with their constituents. Discussion began at 9:53:00:000 and ended at 9:53:00:007 and were called an “unbelievable success” by all 300 million persons involved. This discourse, the longest of any administration since 1962, marks an about-face for the 113th Congress, which had resolved to not make eye contact with voters until after the midterms.

“I think we got together, looked at the congressional approval ratings, and decided to make some honest change,” stated Rep. Lee Terry (R-NE). “The boys and I were talking and we might even do another talk soon about ISIS intervention. We don’t wanna rush things but you could expect another good rap session before the fourth Iraq war.”

The talk was simulcast on all major networks and several streaming sites. A brief synopsis of the talk was flashed subliminally 2 hours later to reach viewers that may have blinked or sneezed. In keeping with tradition, the talk was one sided, but viewers were encouraged to yell in unison to show approval of Congress or yell even louder to show extra approval of Congress.