Readers,
The decision to endorse a candidate is not one that the DailyER takes lightly.
Much discussion was had. Arguments occurred, objects were thrown, relationships suffered.
The very fabric of this paper was nearly ripped apart. But we know that we have a choice, and we have influence: our dozen or so loyal readers need our opinion. Nay, they crave it. We pride ourselves on the responsibility we have to our readers. It is not something to take lightly.
Integrity is an increasingly rare trait amongst our dead-tree printing brethren, but it shan’t die amongst the DailyER crowd. A brave American once said, “I regret that I have but one life to give for my country.” This rings more true now than it did during the past difficult times of our country. And, if we may be so bold as to modify it: “We regret that we have but one endorsement to give to our vast readership.”
And so, the moment of truth.
The one you’ve all been waiting for:
Colby/Jack 2012.
Not Obama/Biden, not Romney/Ryan, and not even the powerful John Edwards/Herman Cain ticket.
This country needs bold changes. Bold, like the taste of a delicious slice of Colby/Jack cheese. Combining the classic taste and deep foreign policy experience of Colby with the sharpness and depth of economic understanding of Jack was sheer genius.
It is a difficult ticket to vote against in even the most trying of circumstances. It stands for freedom, justice, and deliciousness. This ticket isn’t afraid of integrating white and orange side by side, and it cares about your children’s health via full stomach. It goes great on burgers and sandwiches alike; can be eaten by itself by the more bold members of society; and will never make a foreign policy gaffe.
It is kosher, so will maintain a good relationship with Israel, but firmly grounded in American culture, and available at Culver’s. What more can we ask from a president? The DailyER would like to formally extend our endorsement to Colby/Jack.
May God be with you, and may God bless America.
Yours in Satire,
The Editors
