Discovering his father’s porn stash is a defining moment in every young man’s life.  He is forced to confront the startling realization that his father is a human man. A human man who views a truly staggering amount of pornography.  It can change everything he thought he knew about his father in an instant.  For example, I used to think my father did not care much for black people, and now, well, let’s just say I was wrong.  Luckily for those of you who have yet to stumble across your father’s porn, don’t worry, it’s there somewhere. If you’re lucky, you’ll find it after your father has died. Hopefully, my experience will help you to deal with and repress the memories finding your father’s porn collection.

I recently stumbled across my father’s porn stash, while searching for his weed stash.  Unfortunately, my father’s porn stash and weed stash were stashed in the same stash.  I grabbed my father’s weed and hastily closed the drawer.  As I sat down and packed a bowl of my father’s exceptionally dank Husker Red Kush, I could not stop thinking about the seemingly endless pairs of breasts I had just seen peeking out of my father’s dresser.

If I hadn’t been blazed completely out of my mind by my father’s loud kush, then I might have known better than to go back to his porn stash.  Unfortunately, my pot-addled brain could not suppress my ill-fated curiosity.  I returned to the drawer and began to peruse my fathers impressive collection of porno mags.

Let me take a minute to stop and tell you that under no circumstances should you look through your father’s porn if, or rather, when, you find it.  Either throw it away, if he is dead, or forget you ever saw it, and leave it undisturbed, if he is unfortunately still alive.

My father is apparently a porn aficionado.  He is the Michael Jordan of buying magazines from the back rooms of shifty gas stations.  The Barbara Streisand of looking at naked women.  The Bill Gates of titties.  (I’m not entirely sure how metaphors work, my dad’s weed is super strong) I guess I should have known, his mustache absolutely screams, “Yeah, I have a drawer full of porn, fuck you.”  I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look him directly in the mustache again.  I am now forced to live the rest of my life knowing my father’s most intimate desires and that is actually just fine.  What was the point of this? Oh yeah, if you, when you find your father’s porn stash you should absolutely go through it, and if you find any dank ass weed with it, let me know.  My dad’s is starting to wear off.