Did you graduate in the fall and refuse to live with your Hitler parents and their “Don’t — DO NOT — smoke weed in our goddamn house, you little shit or I’ll kill you, Nick!” tyrannical policies? Yes? Then pay us a visit to Lakeside Ridge Estates Villa Village Apartment Place Heights Complex Lofts by Broadmoor!

Here at Lakeside Ridge Estates Villa Village Apartment Place Heights Complex Lofts by Broadmoor, we’re not just looking to be your landlord. We want to be your friend! And we want you to enjoy your stay as much as we enjoy your company! And none of us here in upper management are dumb, stupid parents!

Each residence at Lakeside Ridge Estates Villa Village Apartment Place Heights Complex Lofts by Broadmoor includes your choice of one to four bedrooms, one to two bathrooms, an oven, three microwaves and a toilet brush. Not to mention zero fire alarms — solely for your convenience! We know you’re gonna be hotboxing our buildings and who wants the police involved in that? Not us, what do we look like? Your parents?

What else do we got here? Lakeside Ridge Estates Villa Village Apartment Place Heights Complex Lofts by Broadmoor’s got carpets. That’s cool, right? The walls are good, the roof is there and the floors, again, are carpeted. It’s the best. The only thing of note we don’t have is parents! Because screw parents! Tellin’ you “To get a job you lazy, fat sack of shit!” Up theirs, right? Grrr, parents suck!

I feel like I’ve come to know you so well in your time reading this, John. It’s John, right? Maybe Jon? It’s a pretty common name, I tried. Anyway, John (?), I feel like I’ve come to know you so well, so I’ve got to be honest with you. When I was your age, my parents, well, they kicked me out. God, I was so mad at them. I hold it against them to this day. In my anger, I decided to open Lakeside Ridge Estates Villa Village Apartment Place Heights Complex Lofts by Broadmoor for all those kids like me in need of a home without freaking parents around. So please, stop by and live with us, not your god-awful, asshole, no weed-smoking, shitstains of parents.

1-800-RNTS-SUK

Located at the corner of O and J streets by that funny looking tree you always notice and smirk at.