“I’ve been deployed in Fallujah, Kabul, and everywhere in between. I’ve been through hell and back. I have no fear and I’m hard as nails, but that place… it scares me,” reported Staff Sergeant John “Soap” MacTavish. The infamous place Sergeant MacTavish was referring to is, of course, the ultimate frisbee club house on Y Street.
Every year, late in February, ultimate frisbee’rs from all across the great state of Nebraska flock to the ultimate frisbee club house for the Ultimate Frisbee Spring Jamboree. The pilgrims all come bringing their own frisbees and drinks, climaxing into a party of such magnitude that the UNL and Lincoln police department have kept tabs on it for years.
Governor Pete Ricketts finally decided to bring the hammer down this year, proclaiming at a press conference the night before the party: “It’s time someone put their foot down on this frisbee hippie nonsense, and that foot is me.”
This bold statement only seemed to entice the ultimate frisbee club, which, in response, declared that the beer would be free and that free frisbees would be provided to all party-goers.
In a panic, Ricketts then called the national guard to break up the party and the rest, as they say, was history.
The Battle of Frisbee Jamboree began as national guardsmen armed with riot shields were peppered by steel tipped frisbees that were thrown with amazing accuracy as they tried to approach and encircle the house.
The first push stopped abruptly when several ultimate frisbee club officers rode out of the house on massive war stallions and broke through Ricketts’ front line. Then, lieutenant governor Mike Foley was cut down by a titanium frisbee straight through his bold and beautiful Husker swat armor as he tried to push through the breach.
In his fury, Ricketts brought in the secret weapon, Navy SEALs. SEAL team red (named in honor of the fact that the whole team was composed of UNL alums) deployed from an orbiting satellite using a prototype drop technology.
The frisbee club was taken by surprise as the Navy SEALs slammed in from orbit, and the tide quickly turned. Still, the party-goers fought on valiantly, and Ricketts even had to call in an M1 Abrams tank to quell the resistance. By morning, Y street was a burning husk of its former self after millions of dollars of property damage were inflicted.
“I’m glad were we able to keep law and order in a peaceful and respectable manner,” Ricketts stated in a press conference after the battle.