Disaster struck the Arts & Sciences quad Sunday when a hoard of locusts attacked the area following the Board of Regents approval of ‘Employee +1 Benefits,’ a program that allows faculty to expand their insurance to a “plus one” or another person who will also be covered under their university provided health insurance.

The policy, a blanket program that would allow same-sex couples and employees with ill parents or other family members to add these dependents to their insurance, has an intentionally broad spectrum that makes approving it difficult to pass, particularly amongst the recent changes the university has undertaken.
The locusts, formerly recognized as the Eighth of the Ten Biblical Plagues, were rumored by those who witnessed the event as a sign from Above that the policy was never meant to be passed. And that, in some sense, evil had prevailed that day.

“We knew that the policy would be unpopular, but we’re so glad it did.” said one NU Regent, who asked to remain nameless, “even though His Holiness seems to disagree with our choice, I think it’s the right one. We’re all people and we all deserve the same rights as the guy next to us.”

No reports of other plagues have reached news sources, but the Board member had this to say to a crowd of onlookers who witnessed the strange event: “I know this may seem way out of left field, but if any of you have seen Kyle, my oldest son, tell him to call me later. And Susan has asked that if anyone here has some concealer, she has a wicked boil on her nose that needs covered up.”

“I’m so happy for our university.” commented one passerby, still covered in locust shells. “Even though we’re the last school in the Big Ten to have this type of benefits, it’s good we got it done soon. If it had taken us any longer, it could have been, like, SUUUPER embarrassing.”