Hasbro introduces new game for millennials called “Overworked, Constantly Scrutinized Hippos”

Game night just got a lot more fun and potentially a lot more stressful. Board game giant Hasbro announced plans are in place to design a new game, which will take a twist on the children’s classic Hungry, Hungry Hippos. However, their new game will be targeted at millennials. The name of the game: “Overworked, Constantly Scrutinized Hippos.”

The new game will bring back the four original hippo characters in new clothing resembling millennial fashion trends of the 21st century, including retro eyeglasses, cardigans and Birkenstocks with socks. At the start of the game, the hippos will all have several marbles worth of crippling student debt they have to pay off by the end of the game. On top of this, the game will start with 200 marbles in the center, instead of the classic number of 20. While the hippos are scrambling to capture marbles, secondary hippo managers will pop up behind them, giving them more and more work to do as the game progresses and constantly asking them why they aren’t getting their work done. The game ends when either all the marbles are caught or the hippos quit their jobs to do freelance work.

“Our business is running into the ground,” said Hasbro CEO Brian Goldner. “Kids just aren’t into games anymore. They’re all spinning fidget spinners and eating Tide pods, or whatever the latest challenge Logan Paul has made up. It’s time we enter a new market, and who better to target than millennials?”

Goldner later went on to say that the board game was very successful in preliminary tests. “Oh my God, why are there so many marbles?” exclaimed Julie Marshall, who partook in the tests. “It’s so stressful, but honestly, it’s so relatable. Oh my goodness, I can’t wait to play this with my work friends!”

Hasbro also announced a promotional event will be held upon the release of the board game. Every purchase of the board game on the release date will get the buyer one entry into a drawing for a year’s supply of avocado toast, a $50 gift card to Chipotle or a three-day pass to Coachella 2018.