Following Bo Pelini’s frequent use of “I don’t know” when answering postgame questions, the DailyER Nebraskan Investigative Team decided it was time to figure out exactly what Bo Pelini does not comprehend. The team found that what Bo Pelini doesn’t know could fill just about 37, 347,456 books, ranging from topics as diverse as microbiology, […] Read more
New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick awoke with a fright Monday morning following a disturbance at his personal home in the American Northeast. Belichick was reportedly assaulted in his sleep by a spectral being who savagely attacked the National Football League coach, tearing his forearms from his body, extending up past the elbows. News outlets […] Read more
Reports surfaced earlier this week that the FBI had uncovered and blocked a plot to blow up the Federal Reserve building in New York City. Initial reports indicate that the alleged bomber, Bangladeshi student Quazi Mohammad Rezwanul Ahsan Nafis, wanted to “blow up all of America’s money” in order to advance the cause of radical […] Read more
As the election gets nearer and nearer, the presidential candidates have begun moving their respective campaign messages toward topics other than the economy, including foreign policy. It’s an area Mitt Romney believes he has the best solution for fixing. “It is my belief that all of the United States’ foreign policy decisions should be made […] Read more
Every Presidential race promises ups and downs for the nominees, and the 2012 race has been no exception. Only three weeks from the finale, the candidates still continue to struggle for a clear lead in the polls. The resounding success of Mitt Romney in the first Presidential debate may have damaged Obama’s standing, but he […] Read more
UNL staff are reporting receiving an email inviting them to bring their “sickest licks” to the UNL Chancellor’s office for “a chance of a lifetime.” “It’s gonna be really extreme,” read the email, which had as an attachment an image of a skull Chancellor Perlman had drawn, with the words “Mother of Perl” written on […] Read more
In a completely indefensible and abhorrent act, we at The DailyER decided that instead of giving you any attempt at satire, we’d instead give you exactly what you want: lesbian sex. It is very difficult, as you might imagine, for us to actually give you “lesbian sex” to you per se, but we are here […] Read more
Aleksandr Vodkavak, a Russian scientist at a Russian facility in Petropavlovsk, was the first human to permanently break the sound barrier. Last week the process of sending his body to Mach 1 was finalized in the small research town. “The specific process is classified. It involves accelerating each individual particle of a person through sub-atomic… […] Read more
South of the Nebraska City Union, the bushes start to wiggle. A face pops out and looks around cautiously. In one fluid move, David Turnot emerges and starts walking. He’s late for biology class. Turnot, a junior film studies major, is currently being raised by Husker cats, the wild cats that live on campus. “They […] Read more
After 158 years of intense, widespread academic contrast, epistemologists have irrevocably agreed upon a single universal truth: crosswalks signs on UNL campus possess no meaning whatsoever. Dr. Tania Fullam, a Professor of Epistemology and Meaning at Stanford University, has proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that traffic indicators are severed from all meaning, both […] Read more
