In the aftermath of the terrible earthquake and tsunami that struck Japan, the nuclear ongoing nuclear crisis has made radiation sickness a very dangerous threat according to Japan’s federal government. The radiation threatens not only the Japanese people, but also the country’s drinking water and livestock. In related news, McDonald’s has temporarily brought their barbecue […] Read more
In a shocking act of defiance, a bag of trash willingly removed itself from a receptacle at 36th and Vine Streets Monday morning. The incident began when mother of four Christine Tate insisted that her 16-year-old son, Joseph, take an overflowing trash bag out to the curb. “It was getting kind of gross,” said Tate. […] Read more
Tim Beck is ready. Beck, Nebraska’s new Offensive Coordinator, can’t wait to meet the fans at this year’s spring game. The only problem is that he’s not sure what to wear “I’m super excited to show all the Husker fans the new offense they are going to see,” Beck said. “But I’m not quite sure […] Read more
So you embarrassed yourself at a party last night when you revealed your ignorance of classic literature? Oh, don’t worry, I’m not going to judge you. Why do you think they created me? Just give me five minutes of your time and you can gain the respect of just about every student at UNL, or […] Read more
Nebraskans for the Upgraded Treatment of Squirrels (N.U.T.S.) President Carl Scholt announced yesterday that N.U.T.S. would only be protecting the eastern grey squirrel and would not be protecting the black squirrel subgroup. The N.U.T.S. members voted on this issue last night after it had been found out that black squirrels were not specifically mentioned under […] Read more
Police arrived late on the scene of a murder late Sunday night. Jerry Plaza, 33, reportedly killed the chances of rekindling his relationship with his mother. The estranged son murdered Mildred Plaza, 59, earlier that evening. Jerry Plaza had not returned Mildred’s phone calls in over three months. He had also neglected to comment on […] Read more
Erik Mellgren is in an abusive relationship. For five years now, he has been beaten, battered, and abused. His mistress? Cornhusker Men’s Basketball. “All I’ve wanted for these long five years is for the pain to stop,” a sobbing Mellgren said. “How can they continue to string me along like this? I just want some […] Read more
As Transformers 3: The Dark of the Moon’s release date fast approaches, some directors would be worried. Not Michael Bay. The famed director of “Bad Boys II” and “The Rock” assured reporters late Monday that the film is nearly complete, and will easily make its release date of July 1. “The filming just wrapped up, […] Read more
After a long and difficult journey, a new man has risen to the proverbial challenge. Photo illustration by Dylan Bliss. In his acceptance speech, the new president-elect for the Association for the Students of the University of Nebraska spoke of how very humbled he was to have received this great honor. “It is a distinct […] Read more
Story by Grace Mortensen Immigration and Customs Enforcement is beginning to crack down on many restaurants. This past month, ICE officials investigated illegal employment in Chipotle restaurants across the United States. Recently, the government organization that controls illegal immigrant activities, among other things, raided two Chipotle locations in Lincoln. “I came into work and was […] Read more
