Fresh-faced and newly appointed defensive coordinator John Papuchis drew curious looks from a crowded ballroom during an announcement Saturday when Cornhusker head coach Bo Pelini read the itinerary for the upcoming annual Cornhusker Football Coaches Retreat.

According to sources from the incident, Papuchis “squeed with glee” when Coach Pelini included his name among the nine other coaches and athletic staff members who would be attending the retreat.

“It was like he didn’t see it coming,” said Offensive Coordinator Tim Beck. “In one breath he not only squeaked like a five year old girl, but demanded that he be designated ‘little spoon’ in the head coaches’ tent. I didn’t even know there was such a thing.”

“There isn’t,” added Coach Pelini.

The crowd watched as Papuchis twiddled his thumbs on stage, after having been escorted to the corner by Coach Pelini with instructions to remain silent for the remainder of the press conference.

“I didn’t mean it, honest,” whispered a timid Papuchis, “I was just so excited. They made me stop calling shotgun on the golf cart rides around the stadium. I figured I’d take my shot while I still had the chance.”