By local father Dale

Every parent’s child complains about a monster under the bed from time to time, so I was skeptical when my 4-year-old son Trevor told me about his. I didn’t believe him at first, but woah Nelly, I should have! There isn’t just a monster living under my son’s bed; it’s an extremely hot monster, and I have no idea what to do.

The beast, to which I cannot describe the species, charmed me with its deep, mysterious eyes and captivating fur coat. The monster had muscular, firm legs and a 16-pack of abs. I don’t believe the creature has a sex, but its beauty truly transcends that of a human.

I cannot emphasize how much I want to pork this thing. I know my wife would be pissed, and my son would be confused as all hell if I just wriggled my way under his bed and started humping the shit out of his new friend that he calls “Torbin.” But I want to fuck Torbin so bad it might just be worth it.

I never had a monster under my bed as a kid, so I don’t know how the relationship works. Is Trevor going to get really mad and jealous? Or is he already one step ahead of me and courting the beast so once he reaches puberty he can bang Torbin whenever he wants? Props to Trevor if he’s thinking that far ahead. That would be one smart 4-year-old.

I might risk it all next Tuesday morning when my wife leaves for work and drops Trevor off at daycare. I have about 20 minutes before I have to be at the office and I think I’ll use the time to dick down Torbin for a good eight of them.