As the search for the next President for UNL continues, dramatic developments continue to happen. A priority candidate has been named for the position, and for those who don’t know what that means, he’s pretty much got the job already.

The candidate is a former Vice Admiral in the United States Navy named Walter “Ted” Carter Jr. He’s got four names, so you know he’s cool! But he is also renowned for his work at previous schools, which will be great for our university, I guess.

“His history as a seaman truly will help us come to our greatest potential. His credentials got him in the backdoor for this position,” Chancellor Ronald Green continued, “as the sixty-ninth president of this University he will bring a true sense of class and dignity to the position.”

We had a chance to speak with the candidate in line at the Husker Game waiting for a runza, he talked about how he “never finishes first and will always rise to the occasion of the job.”

We at the DailyER are titillated about the news of this possible new president. We cannot wait for whoever the new president is to make deep and true stories of their hijinks on campus.