“There can only be one divine patron of Christmas, Santa, and it ain’t gonna be you! I will shower amazing gifts of great football upon all Nebraskans!” sang Scott Frost fighting against a cold bitter wind as he was supported into the sky on top of thousands of Husker fans wearing “Scott Frost: A New Hope” shirts and nothing else.

“Ho ho screw you!” replied Saint Nick atop his sleigh as he cracked open a crisp and cool Coke bottle using Dasher’s antler as a bottle opener. He then hurled it Molotov cocktail style at Frost. Using his superhuman reflexes he gained from years of spectacular Cornhusker football, the newly anointed head coach just barely ducked under the sizzling bottle.

Frost was desperate. Time was running out, it twas almost midnight, and Santa had ruined all of the children of Nebraska’s presents by using them as projectile weapons. His support of fans was swaying uncontrollably beneath him and he was at a complete disadvantage fighting in such intense cold after so many years of coaching in Florida.

But not all was lost. Frost pulled out his hidden weapon that he learned from his brief time being coached by Jon Gruden back in his NFL days. “Spider 2 Y Banana!” He screamed. Herbie Husker himself then broke through the ice sheet underneath Santa’s sleigh and dragged him down into the deathly chilling northern ocean.

The day was won, all hail king Frost as the new king of Christmas and Nebraska (but only if he gets us into the playoffs this season).

NOTE: A grizzled but brave and daring DailyER war correspondent managed to scribble this report on a university dining napkin during his trip to the Arctic Circle. Sadly, his body was never found.