“This is going to be a huge game on both team’s schedules”, declared athletic director Trev Alberts about the recently announced home-and-home scheduling of North Pole in 2030-2031. Last Wednesday, the Husker athletic department announced that Nebraska would be making the thousand mile trek North to Saint Nicholas Stadium, home of the North Pole University […] Read more
Lincoln, NE – Things were looking bleak for the Huskers on a cool night in Memorial Stadium. The Gators of Lincoln North Star High School stormed out to a quick 14-0 lead, thanks to a 53 yard touchdown pass and a fumble in Nebraska territory. Things didn’t seem to improve for the home team as […] Read more
LANCASTER COUNTY COURTHOUSE– After years and years of undying support of the Nebraska Cornhuskers, our beloved Lil’ Red has had enough. The 30-year-old child is reportedly suing the Husker Athletic Department for decades of semi-abusive child labor. “He really just feels used,” said Sigourney Weaver, long-time girlfriend of Lil’ Red. She continued, “All he’s ever […] Read more
Nebraska Cornhuskers running back Maurice Washington is officially being charged with the possession of child pornography and distributing revenge porn in the state of California. The University of Nebraska-Lincoln Athletic Department first learned that Washington was under investigation last September. “Washing-who? I’ve never heard that name before in my life,” said the befuddled UNL Director of Athletics […] Read more
Residents and commuters of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln campus will soon be noticing a change in parking enforcement practices. Effective immediately, Parking and Transit Services will begin replacing its traditional parking citations with tickets to Iowa football games; attendance required. “We expect this will be a considerable incentive to abide by the parking regulations on […] Read more
TRICK: Fellas, I’m gonna be frank with you: we’re the worst football team in the history of the great state of Nebraska. We can’t even flinch without getting a penalty and our defense is pretty much like a jail with paper walls. But you know what? None of that matters if you cheat, and cheating […] Read more
The Nebraska Football Hype Train, which was scheduled to run every Saturday for the next three months, officially derailed this weekend. The miles-long locomotive lost steam and ceased to chug along after repeated, brutal derailments that left its occupants questioning why they had bought seats in the first place. “Man, what am I supposed to […] Read more
In a rather disappointing start to the Husker football season, things got even worse Saturday during the post-game press conference following the Huskers’ loss to Purdue. First-year Nebraska head coach Scott Frost shocked the nation when he announced that he plans on stepping down soon. “This is something that I’ve been mulling over for some time now,” […] Read more
Oh boy, the Huskers did it again. Our big burly boys managed to lose in embarrassingly epic fashion in front of thousands of fans. Nebraska suffered a loss that was so mind-bogglingly horrendous, the only words one could utter after the game are, “what the heck?” Seriously, though. What the heck, Huskers? I understand this is […] Read more
With a chin that could cut a million perfect diamonds and a thick cannon arm that could launch UNL back into its late 90s glory and butterflies right into my sexually aroused stomach, Scott Frost approached. Pictures and videos don’t do Frost’s immaculate form and build justice in the same way that it’s impossible to […] Read more
