Sports fans everywhere know that it’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game. The Huskers may be 1-2 so far this season, but that doesn’t mean Nebraska’s favorite football team isn’t excelling. “Our main goal here this season is friendship,” said Husker head coach Mike Riley. “Ultimately we want the […] Read more
Celebrating her one year anniversary of membership in Gamma Phi Beta, sophomore biology major Olivia Shaw spoke on Monday about how, for the first time, she has been able to experience a true community of sisterhood, disregarding her years of close friendship with her actual sister, Becca. “Before I joined Gamma Phi, I didn’t really […] Read more
Shit hit the fan when DJ newcomer, Joel “Icebox” Moore, was performing at the Vega last Saturday. The evening was hip and hoppining when Moore decided to try cracking the dial up to 11 by playing his new retro dance groove, “Sandstorm Darude.” The beats were booming as the lights send the crowd into a […] Read more
Husker football fans were enraged during Saturday’s Nebraska game against Northwestern, when yet another yellow object landed on the turf at Memorial Stadium. In the third quarter, a stray Super Saver bag caught in the wind made its way onto the football field at Memorial Stadium. Refs spotted the yellow bag and whistled the play dead. After […] Read more
When University of Nebraska-Lincoln freshman Hannah Peterson filed a “Fix-It Ticket” to report the broken cable TV in her Abel Residence Hall dorm room, she expected a visit from a member of the hall’s maintenance staff. She never could have imagined that that staff member would be professional stand-up comedian Larry the Cable Guy. Within […] Read more
The fat and lazy orange cat who has captured the hearts of millions since 1978 is about to undergo a major change starting in September. “Garfield” creator Jim Davis announced in a press conference that the titular feline will now love Mondays. “If you really think about it, Mondays aren’t that bad,” said Davis. “It’s […] Read more
As students get ready for the new school year, the Husker football team is also preparing to provide the greatest source of joy for every fan this season. For the past few months, Coach Mike Riley and the players have been practicing for the 2017 schedule, with nonstop two-a-days, lifting and conditioning for the majority […] Read more
Since the start of the school year, pedestrians and drivers alike have complained about congestion on 16th street caused by the removal of traffic lights. Now, the City of Lincoln has found a solution. Early Monday morning, drivers discovered that traffic lights had returned to all of 16th street’s major intersections, but with an unexpected […] Read more
When students at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln eat at the various dining halls located across campus, they probably think they’re supporting a vibrant food service economy. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Following a months-long investigation, The DailyER has obtained decades of financial records revealing that all five dining halls are fully owned and operated by UNL. This stunning discovery has shattered the common perception among students that each dining hall is its own distinct brand.
“This is really a shock to me,” said sophomore microbiology major Sarah Henson upon reading the report. “I always thought I had choices as a consumer, but I sure was wrong.”
“Last year, I was unsatisfied with the quality of Harper’s pasta, so I took my business to Selleck, thinking I could vote with my dollars,” said junior broadcasting major Wyatt Huffman. “Everything I know is a lie.”
Furthermore, records indicate that the monopolization of campus food options even extends to the various residence hall C-Stores, as well as “Grab-N-Go” choices such as Husker Heroes and Husker Hoagies.
“Now that you mention it, I always did have my suspicions about Husker Heroes and Husker Hoagies,” Henson admitted. “But I assumed the ‘Husker’ thing was just a coincidence.”
UNL refused to comment on the report, or on the allegations that the university has been using the monopoly to systematically increase dining prices for years.
“This is just another example of a failure of capitalism,” explained UNL economics professor Dr. Helen Merritt. “By forcing out competition, the university has not only artificially inflated prices, but also limited innovation in the campus dining sector. We all love Mini Pizza Mondays, but with a competing dining hall, we could have had Mini Taco Tuesdays too!”
“That’s why I’m calling on the United States Justice Department to intervene and break up this dining giant immediately,” she added.
In the wake of these revelations, students have found themselves questioning which of their other on-campus choices could be just an illusion.
“Does this mean that when I take classes with two different professors, my tuition money still goes to the same place?” wondered sophomore English major Timothy Rios. “This changes everything.”
With so many questions now swirling about collusion on campus, The DailyER would like to assure its readers that it remains committed to journalistic independence by being entirely unprofitable.
At press time, The DailyER has been looking into a bombshell allegation that claims the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and University of Nebraska-Omaha could be operating under the same umbrella.
School years come and go, but what is always constant is a New Student Enrollment tour on campus. As UNL recruits for new students every year, tours are a good way to demonstrate the beauty and peculiarities of our campus. With so much to cover in one day, it’s hard to imagine how nothing can […] Read more
