One nervous freshman’s chances of a good class reputation were dashed last Monday morning, as he failed to make an impression during roll call due to an unfortunate voice crack. Sources say that Thomas Tran was fully prepared for his English class, wearing his brand new band t-shirt and pants. His new Converse shoes also gave […] Read more
Sometimes, humans cannot be trusted with absolute power. Political science major Becky Sampson would have learned this lesson Monday afternoon if she had realized the consequences of her actions. Sampson’s Monday started off as normal as ever: the sophomore woke up at 8:00 a.m., showered and got dressed before heading to her morning class. Just […] Read more
Nebraska wide receivers coach Keith Williams is known for his on field acumen, his ability to recruit and his intense, motivational personality. Some call Williams a wide receiving genius. “He has really played a key role in getting me up to speed in the NCAA,” sophomore wideout Ian Martell said. “He just knows every […] Read more
In the weeks since its installation, the new Valentino’s in the Nebraska Union has reportedly been the location of multiple ghost sightings and hauntings from Auntie Anne herself. The occurrences began shortly after the popular pretzel vendor was vacated to make room for the new Valentino’s restaurant. Witnesses claim they heard soft murmuring coming from […] Read more
As Husker football season approaches, junior accounting major Robert Morton is in crisis mode. A die hard Husker fan, Morton is deeply troubled by his inability to sing the school’s fight song, “Hail Varsity”. Morton, who can recite the height, weight, hometown and high school of every Nebraska player since the Devaney years, is baffled […] Read more
With a new school year beginning and students adjusting to new routines, many are overwhelmed by all the changes. However, incoming sophomore advertising major Jack Ranger is confident that this semester’s challenges should be a breeze because of an important work opportunity he was given over the summer. While most first-year college students rarely get […] Read more
Following a crowded field in the Republican Party during the beginning of election season, it was reported that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton will be automatically elected to the presidency due to an error in the GOP’s nomination process. “The error occurred when, of the rumored 15 or 20 Republican candidates, none officially declared […] Read more
Editor’s note: This article is a part of the Daily Nebraskan and DailyER joint satirical issue, the HalfasskanER. First Friday only comes once a month, so be sure to make the most of it. Of the literal millions of places to see art in downtown Lincoln, here’s a guide to all the real must-sees for […] Read more
The end of the year is quickly approaching, and students are gearing up for a hectic finals week. Students in Dr. John Stauffer’s PSYC 101 class are in for a whole new exam format. Citing a need for on-the-job training, Stauffer made a few modifications to the standard lesson plan. “I usually assign a standard […] Read more
Normally when someone is asked how they’re doing, he or she crafts a mundane lie and say they’re doing anywhere from just okay to pretty good. However, this was not the case for area sad sack Jeremy Reeves, who reportedly listed every single thing which was currently crashing around his pathetic existence he calls […] Read more
