Truck driver Kerri Peters said she was happy with the “pretty decent” shower she took at the World’s Largest Truck Stop in Iowa last Thursday. The shower in question, which costs two dollars per use and features a complimentary clock-radio bolted to the wall, is reportedly very popular with local transport professionals. “It’s usually clean, […] Read more
UNL housing is declaring the dog search for bedbugs a “huge success” after finding nearly 20 of them, along with over 300 pounds of marijuana. The UNL housing staff decided to search the rooms without any notice to the students so as to “keep the bedbugs guessing.” Unfortunately for the students, and by total coincidence […] Read more
Earlier today, area girlfriend Lisa Miller mused about a thought that has been at the back of her mind for quite some time: she could, probably, do better than her current boyfriend. “Back when we started dating in 2009, I knew he wasn’t great,” said the 23 year-old Miller. “But I also figured that he […] Read more
The Willow Springs sandlot was commissioned by the Lincoln City Council in 1948 as an area for local schoolchildren to play and pass the time after school. Members of the local community have recently begun a petition for the removal of the site, as it seems to have outlived its usefulness to the surrounding neighborhoods. […] Read more
In a record-breaking move, the Johnson family added nearly four dollars to their swear jar yesterday. The donations came after a lengthy dinner table argument over whether eldest son Matthew should be able to hang out with his friend Chad on Friday evening. The fight allegedly started rather innocently, with Matthew asking his parents if […] Read more
Following the recent budget talks in Washington, reports have surfaced that members of the Republican Party have begun meeting in secret to discuss a plan of action for reversing the current course of the United States’ debt. “A summit was held last Wednesday by members of the Republican party in an effort to quell the […] Read more
In a shocking act of defiance, a bag of trash willingly removed itself from a receptacle at 36th and Vine Streets Monday morning. The incident began when mother of four Christine Tate insisted that her 16-year-old son, Joseph, take an overflowing trash bag out to the curb. “It was getting kind of gross,” said Tate. […] Read more
Few senators were surprised on Monday when Vice President Joseph Biden showed up to the day’s session with live mallard in tow. Stepping up to the podium at the front of the Senate Chamber, Biden cleared his throat, lifted the Mariana Mallard high and made a proud announcement. Though admiring his courage in completely missing […] Read more
By Jim Walton Recently I was watching a documentary about how half of the world’s population makes less than two dollars a day. This made me very angry. How can people be so stupid? I mean, making money isn’t that hard. All you have to do is wait until your dad dies and then inherit […] Read more
By Kermit the Frog “It’s not that easy being green. Having to spend each day the color of the leaves, When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold, Or… wait, who am I kidding here? Try this again. It’s not that difficult to be green. Getting to spend each day […] Read more
