TRICK:

Fellas, I’m gonna be frank with you: we’re the worst football team in the history of the great state of Nebraska. We can’t even flinch without getting a penalty and our defense is pretty much like a jail with paper walls. But you know what? None of that matters if you cheat, and cheating makes you a winner, and I for sure ain’t no loser. Martinez! We’re for sure deflating all your balls. Spielman! Next time you go flying out of bounds for a catch make sure to also catch a copy of the quarterback’s playbook, God knows the defense could use it. Morgan! Sneak a garden hose onto the field and let it loose if any of those Gophers try to run. Besides that it’s punt block every play, boys. That’s how you win football games.

TREAT:

Fellas, I’m gonna be frank with you: we’re the best football team in the history of the great state of Nebraska. If you just don’t look at the score at the end of the game we look like a 4-2 team at least! All those penalties we get are complete bullshit and if we didn’t have them we’d be practically undefeated by now. Martinez! You’re averaging like 400 yards per game as a true freshman! That’s incredible! Spielman! You have 6 TDs and 537 yards so far! That’s like not bad at all. We were so close to beating Northwestern that honestly I’m just gonna say we won that one, boys. So get out there you Big Ten champs! You’re gonna slaughter those cowardly Gophers and then we’re gonna beat the living shit out of Ohio State. I have absolute unwavering confidence in all of you.