The Washington Post rocked the world of journalism Sunday as it unveiled an #innovative new style guide, becoming the first newspaper to require a hashtag in every sentence of its articles.

“In today’s Web 2.0 environment, maintaining a fresh #brand is all about engaging with trending topics in the blogosphere,” explained Post owner and Amazon founder Jeff Bezos. “And hashtag-based content is the key to generating major media #buzz among #millennials.”

The new guide specifies that, although only one #hashtag per sentence is required, writers are encouraged to use #multiple tags to #maximize #social #engagement.

“By joining the #viral #conversation, The Washington Post is #synergizing a new #platform for #growth-based #integration,” said mobile #networking guru Mark Simmons. “This could represent a #universal #paradigm #shift toward a hashtag-fueled #environment.”

Hashtags aren’t the only #tricks Bezos has up his #sleeve. He said the Post would soon be mandating that its writers refer to #people only by their #Twitter #handles, and also outlined a plan to move entirely to #meme-based #images by 2017.

“It’s time to #optimize our #strategy for the #mobile #generation,” he said.

Digital #experts were #optimistic that the #Post’s new #game-plan would #leverage its #bottom-line #goals and #strengthen #long-term #scalability for a #responsive #marketplace. But after initial #metrics indicated the paper’s #followers, #likes and #shares had only #increased by #five #percent, #Bezos was #reportedly heard #telling his #staff, “#Fuck #it, #let’s #just #make #every #word #a #hashtag.”