With a childlike enthusiasm and glee that can light up a room, Vice President Joe Biden is beloved by people all over the nation. After calling for a press conference late Monday evening, a nervous Biden stepped up to the podium. After a furtive glance over his shoulder, the visibly perspiring Biden swallowed. Then, in […] Read more
ames Dixon is a man who is driven by an insatiable desire to make the world a better place. Even after a tragic accident that took both his hands, Dixon refuses to surrender. “When I was young, my parents were killed by a hitman, who turned out to be linked to a drug cartel, who […] Read more
Disaster struck the Arts & Sciences quad Sunday when a hoard of locusts attacked the area following the Board of Regents approval of ‘Employee +1 Benefits,’ a program that allows faculty to expand their insurance to a “plus one” or another person who will also be covered under their university provided health insurance. The policy, […] Read more
Following a slow presentation from the Republican party during the beginning of election season, it was reported that due to an error in the GOP’s nomination process, current president Barack Obama would in fact be automatically re-elected to the position of President of the United States of America. “The error occurred when, of the rumored […] Read more
After long deliberations about the University of Nebraska at Lincoln’s current budget, the school’s Board of Regents reached a finalized proposal earlier this week. The proposal, which includes deep cuts to several of UNL’s academic programs and non-tenured staff positions, has been met with some controversy. In response to some of the concerns raised […] Read more
Husker Redshirt Sophomore quarterback Taylor Martinez is reportedly pestering head coach Bo Pelini to bring the no-contact practice jersey to the field field next fall. Martinez believes the jersey will give him more time in the pocket, since he would not have to worry about the threat of getting tackled by oncoming pass rushers. “Just […] Read more
In a rare college performance last Wednesday, President MC Obama debuted his newest single at George Washington University. His latest track is titled “Budget Proposal” and is roughly 43 and a half minutes long. The song debuted was in front of a packed house filled with government officials and students alike–Obama’s typical cult following. […] Read more
Make-A-Wish Recipient Regrets Wish Story by Matt Sueper | Published Apr 19, 2011 Last Tuesday, “Little” Timmy Roberts, age eight, was finally able to fulfill his lifelong dream of meeting his sports hero, third-baseman for the New York Yankees Alex Rodriguez, through the Make-A-Wish Foundation. A resident of Lincoln, Timmy has been a fan of […] Read more
Contrary to UNL junior Ricky Long’s judgment, getting a Volcano Burrito at Taco Bell at 2 AM turned out to not actually be a good idea. The Tex-Mex delicacy was purchased while Long was reportedly intoxicated and most likely high, and it left his digestive tract nearly forty minutes later “It looks so good on […] Read more
It is so aggravating to watch serial killers today. As a–I hate to be arrogant–masterful serial killer, I do understand the challenges that face these guys. It’s hard to get girls (or whatever your preference is) to be alone with you long enough to kill them and leave your signature on the crime scene, sure. […] Read more
