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Newly proposed meal plan would require 4000 credit hours to unlock all dining hall content

Still dealing with public unrest from the ongoing political controversy, the University of Nebraska-Lincoln has yet again upset the constituents of the university. UNL officials announced last week that new meal plans would be up for a vote of approval to the Nebraska Board of Regents. After further investigation into the meal plan details, reports […] Read more

Paramedics on hand for full-contact chess tournament

In what turned into absolute carnage among chess-playing intellectuals on Saturday, eyewitnesses described the violence that ensued during the world’s first full-contact chess tournament. “There were some unspeakable things that happened at that tournament,” said paramedic Terry Shroedecker. “My God, the things people do in the name of sport. I’ll never understand it.” Accounts of […] Read more

UNL drops football program

After a disappointing 2017 football season, UNL’s athletic board has decided to permanently discontinue the Husker football program effective immediately. After 127 years of fun, friendship and enough laughs to fill Memorial Stadium to the top, the boys in red are finally being laid to eternal rest. The athletic board addressed the press on Saturday to […] Read more