Some people may tell you I’m a hothead. Ain’t true. I yell, sure. Get over it. That doesn’t mean everything I do doesn’t have some reason. As head coach of the Nebraska Cornhuskers, you gain lots of unwanted attention. Various scumbags floatin’ around, pecking at every little detail. And you know what I’ve realized? I […] Read more
In an unprecedented “asshole-ish” move, Stacy Mullen’s ex-boyfriend Morgan Stills called only three days after their break-up to ask for his Xbox controller back The move was met with a negative reaction from Stacy’s “best friend forever” Jennifer Moor and current boyfriend Dennis Jones. “That son of a bitch thinks he has any right to […] Read more
Residents of Zanesville, Ohio, a rural town 45 miles east of Columbus, woke up to an unpleasant surprise last Tuesday. In a story that would become national news, police were involved in a shoot-to-kill hunt for an escaped Joe Biden. The Vice President, last seen throwing sticks and pebbles at law enforcement officers, escaped his […] Read more
Following a blow-out win against Minnesota, a visibly calm Bo Pelini could be heard screaming at members of the media at half his regular volume. “That was a good game we played today. I thought everyone executed nicely, considering that you journalists still exist,” Pelini yelled at an almost soothing volume. Omaha World-Herald columist Tom […] Read more
Mike Pendergast is a very familiar face at UNL women’s sporting events. Pendergast, 43, has been at every women’s home volleyball, basketball, and soccer game for the last four years, and says he doesn’t see himself stopping anytime soon. “I love watching these women play,” Pendergast said in an interview. “They just look so much […] Read more
In a stunning turn of events at the Miss America pageant, the heavy underdog, Miss Nebraska, a half-eaten bag of Cheetos, won the crown over the other 51 contestants. It had been an uphill battle for the half-eaten bag of Cheetos from the beginning, when it was accidentally dropped on stage during the Miss Lincoln, […] Read more
The Nebraska Cornhuskers returned victorious from Minnesota on Sunday, but discovered an embarrassing truth the next day: they were one person short. “Yeah, apparently we left Tom [Osborne] at the World’s Largest Truck Stop,” head coach Bo Pelini told a distraught Mrs. Osborne. “We’ll send someone back for him in a few days. He’ll be […] Read more
For the casual visitors to stall 4 in Hamilton Hall’s main floor men’s restroom, the idea of receiving a sudden dose of culture shock is not the first thing on anyone’s mind wandering into the conveniently located lavatory. “Patrons of the Hamilton Men’s first floor restroom are provided a thought-provoking look into the minds of […] Read more
Prior to the visit from the Ohio State Buckeyes for this weekend’s football game, apprehension over how the Nebraska Cornhuskers team would perform against their new Big Ten rivals swept Lincoln. Following what is considered by a large majority of the “Husker Nation” as a dismal performance against the Wisconsin Badgers the week before, confidence […] Read more
In a last-ditch effort to keep the opposing offenses from scoring, Huskers head coach Bo Pelini announced on Monday that another tactic will be used in place of a traditional defense. Pelini said that a 15-foot fence will be constructed to take the place of the defense. “Well, as you can see from our first […] Read more
