It’s no secret that Bernie Sanders enjoys immense popularity among young voters. His blunt, no nonsense views on economic policy and tuition reform have drawn attention and support from the millennial demographic. However, in a recent interview Sanders expressed his hope that the surge in support will finally convince his grandson to give him a […] Read more
They told him the circulation to his legs would be severely decreased, permanently debilitating his legs by the age of 34. They told him his movement would slow to that of a person with bloodless legs. Finally, they told him that they would allow for little privacy in what he carried in his pockets. “Yeah, […] Read more
This has been the most stressful year of my life, and I don’t mind telling you. I still don’t understand what I did wrong. Hello. I am cargo shorts. Which is to say, I’m a pair of normal shorts with a couple of extra pockets on the sides. That’s all. Pockets are nice, right? They’re […] Read more
Dude, come check this out. No, not there, over here. Trust me, you’ll think this is awesome, but it’ll only last for a bit. I know what I’m talking about; I spend plenty of time studying botany and writing shitty poetry in a field of flowers, and I would do almost anything just to add […] Read more
Election season is in full swing, and for freshman secondary education major Ryan Mayer it is the most exciting time of his life. “All of my life, I have been waiting for my chance to make a difference in the country that I live in,” Mayer said. “This is the first election that I have […] Read more
Lincoln detective Rex Zerigata lit his cigar and took a giant puff, sighing as he exhaled white smoke into the pitch black sky. But then, he quickly saw that other people were around and disposed his cigar out of courtesy. “Well, some shit did happen, tonight,” Zerigata said, adjusting his tortoise shell glasses and scratching […] Read more
With a new school year underway, students everywhere are looking to make a strong first impression on their fellow classmates. One local freshman’s bold fashion choice has everyone talking. Brian Patterson, a chemistry major at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, turned heads across campus Friday by wearing a “Huskers” T-shirt. Just moments after stepping out of […] Read more
This past week, Paul Ryan began his term as Speaker of the House, replacing former Speaker John Boehner after his abrupt retirement. So what can voters expect under the reign of Speaker Ryan? At a recent press conference, the candidate made it clear why he was the best choice. “I’m going to be honest here, […] Read more
Tensions were high today on the StarTran 25 bus to Vine when local bus driver Bertha Hendrickson ate an entire raw potato as though it were no big deal. “It was terrifying,” said political science major Jeremy Taylor. “She actually sat there and ate an entire raw potato, without attempting to wash it or brush […] Read more
Mr. Worldwide himself, otherwise known as Pitbull, announced on Twitter that he was going to change his first name to “Featuring.” “After much help and support from my family, I’ve decided that I’m going to begin performing as Featuring Pitbull,” the rapper tweeted this morning. The Artist Formerly Known as Pitbull has been known for […] Read more
