Wah! On Saturday night, federal judges ruled that portions of President Trump’s immigration ban, which barred refugees from several Muslim-majority countries from entering the U.S., were unconstitutional. Those who had been detained due to the executive order must now be freed. Wah-hah! This is a good start. Donald Trump’s ban shows a flagrant and troubling […] Read more
Amidst the cacophony of events in America, a new meteor struck the bathtub. Online media outlet Buzzfeed published a real news story Monday morning. We can’t make this up, and trust us on this: this is real. No, seriously, don’t doubt us. Buzzfeed writer Walter Piddle, even with a reputation for creating listicles such as […] Read more
As Christmas season continues in full swing, many people are embracing the Christmas spirit by decorating the house, singing Christmas carols and getting in last-minute shopping. However, behind this jovial spirit lays the hideous and destructive nature that the Christmas media does not want you to know about. Just announced last Sunday, Secretary of Defense […] Read more
Recently retired chancellor Harvey Perlman, from the comfort of his well-heated home, announced today that there will be two weeks of snow days for the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and that all classes will be canceled. Perlman was known for calling snow days very conservatively, much to the disdain of students across campus. A retired chancellor […] Read more
Point: Treat retail workers with respect this holiday season We’ve all been there: rushing around town last minute to find something you might be able to pass off as a thought-out and meaningful gift before you head home for the holidays. You’re met with packed parking lots, long lines, bad attitudes and Christmas music so […] Read more
Point: We live in the greatest democracy in the world. However, our greatness is threatened if AT&T and Time Warner are able to merge together. Imagine two companies that dominate their respective industries becoming one ultra-company. Talk about “too big to fail.” This single company could completely control the FCC with lobbyists who advocate for […] Read more
On Election Day, freshman Laurie Anderson was excited to express her political attitude for the first time. Anderson, who described herself as an “informed liberal,” was excited to vote for all of the Democratic politicians and policies on the ballot. However, while Anderson seemed knowledgeable on choices like the presidency and the death penalty, she […] Read more
Dan Oterman is fed up with 2016. He is fed up with this election. He is just fed up. Oterman, like many individuals in this country, is unhappy about the current presidential election and its two main candidates, Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton. Between Trump’s excessive lying and Clinton’s shaky history with Wall Street, Oterman […] Read more
By the Cleveland Indians Ok look, we get it. We all know the stories. Wounded Knee, Trail of Tears, all of them. History isn’t really in our favor here. Our name isn’t exactly in great taste, and you’re right. We should probably change it. But, it could be worse. I mean, just take a look […] Read more
By 8-year-old son Shut up, dad! The Beach Boys are bad, and so is your godawful singing voice! Your taste is not good and you’re making this road trip suck bad! Gee, I hate you! We’re going to Idaho from Alabama in a flippin’ car! There’s no “Safari” anywhere between the two states and we […] Read more
