Last Thursday, UNL junior Chet Manning uttered what he felt was “the joke of a lifetime,” but felt the audience did not comprehend the enormity of his penis joke. “Yeah, so, we were at Walmart in the wine and spirits aisle,” Chet told the DailyER, recalling that Thursday night, “and I grabbed a wine bottle […] Read more
Charles Carmichael, a Lincoln native, said he is deeply upset with Ryan Gosling’s latest casting roles. Carmichael, a self-proclaimed “die-hard” fan of “The Notebook,” says he is hurt and feels betrayed that his recent roles in “Crazy, Stupid, Love” and “Drive” were nothing like the character Noah from “The Notebook.” “It’s just such bullshit,” Carmichael […] Read more
Husker Redshirt Sophomore quarterback Taylor Martinez is reportedly pestering head coach Bo Pelini to bring the no-contact practice jersey to the field field next fall. Martinez believes the jersey will give him more time in the pocket, since he would not have to worry about the threat of getting tackled by oncoming pass rushers. “Just […] Read more
In a rare college performance last Wednesday, President MC Obama debuted his newest single at George Washington University. His latest track is titled “Budget Proposal” and is roughly 43 and a half minutes long. The song debuted was in front of a packed house filled with government officials and students alike–Obama’s typical cult following. […] Read more
Make-A-Wish Recipient Regrets Wish Story by Matt Sueper | Published Apr 19, 2011 Last Tuesday, “Little” Timmy Roberts, age eight, was finally able to fulfill his lifelong dream of meeting his sports hero, third-baseman for the New York Yankees Alex Rodriguez, through the Make-A-Wish Foundation. A resident of Lincoln, Timmy has been a fan of […] Read more
Contrary to UNL junior Ricky Long’s judgment, getting a Volcano Burrito at Taco Bell at 2 AM turned out to not actually be a good idea. The Tex-Mex delicacy was purchased while Long was reportedly intoxicated and most likely high, and it left his digestive tract nearly forty minutes later “It looks so good on […] Read more
In the aftermath of the terrible earthquake and tsunami that struck Japan, the nuclear ongoing nuclear crisis has made radiation sickness a very dangerous threat according to Japan’s federal government. The radiation threatens not only the Japanese people, but also the country’s drinking water and livestock. In related news, McDonald’s has temporarily brought their barbecue […] Read more
Police arrived late on the scene of a murder late Sunday night. Jerry Plaza, 33, reportedly killed the chances of rekindling his relationship with his mother. The estranged son murdered Mildred Plaza, 59, earlier that evening. Jerry Plaza had not returned Mildred’s phone calls in over three months. He had also neglected to comment on […] Read more
Vice President Joe Biden addressed the nation last week on how the United States will handle protests in Libya. Biden’s track record with public addresses has typically been fairly poor, either due to made-up words or outrageous claims. As Secretary of State Hilary Clinton said, “Biden typically makes an ass out of himself.” This time, […] Read more
McDonald’s restaurant CEO Roy Wadinger unveiled the new name of the restaurant’s trademark kids’ meal last Friday, saying the name is more realistic for the customers purchasing the meal. The Happy Meal, which has been a McDonald’s staple since 1979 and has gone through only minor changes since, will now be listed on the menu […] Read more
