The Antelope Valley Parkway, a multi-year construction project marred by delays and funding problems, has finally come to an end. Nature reclaimed the stretch of land late Monday evening by creating a massive sinkhole. Four years of labor, millions of dollars in equipment, and three bikers were swallowed by the massive hole, in addition to […] Read more
Despite her repeated attempts to awaken the University of Nebraska-Lincoln community to various dangers, the woman commonly known as “the blue coat lady” continues to be ignored, ostracised, and even mocked by the people she is attempting to save. The blue coat lady, who claims God himself appeared before her in 1994, has since dedicated […] Read more
Story by Matt Sueper The ballots have been cast and it has been determined that, in the Association of Students of University of Nebraska presidential election, the IMPACT party won and the general student body lost. 17% of the student body has spoken, and another year of political drudgery and pointlessness will be carried out […] Read more
Doug Emery, City Council chair of Lincoln’s Northeast District, announced in last Friday’s meeting that the Bob Devaney Center, home to the Nebraska Cornhuskers basketball team, was named Lincoln’s fifth most beloved venue for basketball. The complex, named for celebrated Cornhusker football coach Bob Devaney, dropped one place from last year’s rankings due to a […] Read more
Donald Freuber was just a normal man before Saturday evening. But on that night, Freuber decided to pay for sexual services, a crime in his home state of Nebraska, and a move that forced him to run for Senate. Donald was forced to run for senate after finding that politics seems to be the only […] Read more
The Almighty God admitted yesterday that he was nearly six full decades behind on answering human prayers. The creator of the universe said that he has been “overwhelmed” with the sheer number of humans now on the planet, and that all of them keep praying for “the same stupid things.” “Yesterday I answered a prayer […] Read more
In a record-breaking move, the Johnson family added nearly four dollars to their swear jar yesterday. The donations came after a lengthy dinner table argument over whether eldest son Matthew should be able to hang out with his friend Chad on Friday evening. The fight allegedly started rather innocently, with Matthew asking his parents if […] Read more
The Occupy Lincoln protest, consisting of nearly fifty people camping outside of Centennial Mall, have been giving local media, including the Lincoln Journal-Star and the Daily Nebraskan, a plethora of the closest thing to news stories either publication has seen since the University of Nebraska-Lincoln Cornhusker Football Team’s trip to the National Championship game in […] Read more
Residents of Zanesville, Ohio, a rural town 45 miles east of Columbus, woke up to an unpleasant surprise last Tuesday. In a story that would become national news, police were involved in a shoot-to-kill hunt for an escaped Joe Biden. The Vice President, last seen throwing sticks and pebbles at law enforcement officers, escaped his […] Read more
Following the loss of former Apple CEO Steve Jobs, the Occupy Wall Street protesters and Wall Street executives were able to set aside their differences this past weekend to mourn the passing of the technological and cultural icon. Executives and protesters could be seen hugging each other and crying into one another’s shoulders as they […] Read more
