As freshmen and new students are continuing to get comfortable on campus, new and inventive ways of travel are starting to emerge. Electric scooters, one-wheels, and skateboards are among these clever and inventive forms of gettin’ around the U. 

However, nothing is quite as hip and happenin’ as the illustrious longboard. These elegant icons of campus travel are the ultimate status symbol to anyone looking to impress. 

The slender bamboo frame and the rugged wheels are enough to turn anyone on while cruising around a Scheels. (And as anyone riding a longboard would say, “Bro, it’s wayyyy easier than riding a skateboard, like for real, bro. Trust me bro.”) 

Simply put, it doesn’t matter if you’re looking to arrive at your 9:30 in style or just plain piss off a bus driver, the longboard is the obvious choice. 

Jax Renner, a freshman who purchased a longboard last week said, “I mean like, yeah, I got one because I think they look cool and my legs get tired when I walk to the Union, I don’t know.” 

“My friends think it’s cool and all, but I mean, they live in Knoll, and those kids like watching the custodians vacuum.” 

This inspired testimony was given moments before Jax boarded away and ran face-first into a parking meter.