Man arrested for belated possession of ironic t-shirt Early friday afternoon Lincoln police arrested a man, 24, crossing the street adjacent to Anderson hall in downtown wearing a humorous, vintage Wal-mart t-shirt. The shirt’s emblem, seemingly cracked and faded by time, was found by officers only to be a ruse by the apparel manufacturer. The […] Read more
In what many of his brothers are calling the largest embarrassment in the history of the organization, fraternity member John Riley accidentally left his homophobia at home yesterday. The blunder caused Riley to say things like “I see no problem with gay marriage,” “I’m going to accept people for who they are,” and, “it’s pretty […] Read more
The Antelope Valley Parkway, a multi-year construction project marred by delays and funding problems, has finally come to an end. Nature reclaimed the stretch of land late Monday evening by creating a massive sinkhole. Four years of labor, millions of dollars in equipment, and three bikers were swallowed by the massive hole, in addition to […] Read more
A ‘mutual friend’ of both Steven Johnson and Brittany Banks is confirming that, as of 10:17 pm last night, the couple has taken the next step in their relationship and begun officially dating on Facebook. “Brittany was always telling me this was just a casual fling and Steven, well, we never thought he’d settle down,” […] Read more
Q: Are roundabouts are unraveling the fabric of lincoln tourism? A: Forget for a second you live in Lincoln, Neb. Lucky you. Now, right off the bat, I want to get something straight. I’m only doing this because the bowtied ingrates I have to sit next to on the weekends “strongly suggested” I address some […] Read more
Breaking news from Mills, Iowa indicates that an explosion caused by an internal fire at the Mills Power & Electric Plant led to a radiation spillage from the company’s Research and Design wing. Toxic spewage leaked into several of the town’s irrigation tunnels and has since infected many townspeople with varying degrees of radiation […] Read more
The University of Nebraska-Lincoln’s assistant football coach, who is responsible for training the Cornhuskers running back corps, said he was disappointed with his current crop of potential candidates. “As a good, Christian man, I find it offensive that none of these young lads have that good old-fashioned, home-grown toughness. Most of these boys look like […] Read more
Miles Simmons, sophomore Economics major and new Runza employee, has not yet begun to treat his job as the low-income, dead end position it is, sources inside the restaurant indicate. Simmons, who began his first day at the fast-food restaurant by repeatedly stating he was “grateful for the opportunity,” has apparently not realized the hopelessness […] Read more
Despite her repeated attempts to awaken the University of Nebraska-Lincoln community to various dangers, the woman commonly known as “the blue coat lady” continues to be ignored, ostracised, and even mocked by the people she is attempting to save. The blue coat lady, who claims God himself appeared before her in 1994, has since dedicated […] Read more
Reports surfaced Wednesday that University Chancellor Harvey Perlman was seen aimlessly wandering the Arts & Sciences quad during the lunchtime class break designating UNL’s lecture halls with brand new, seemingly random names. “Quite a sight, I must admit,” said sophomore English major Kevin Styles. “It’s not often you get to stare directly into the eyes […] Read more
