Husker Redshirt Sophomore quarterback Taylor Martinez is reportedly pestering head coach Bo Pelini to bring the no-contact practice jersey to the field field next fall. Martinez believes the jersey will give him more time in the pocket, since he would not have to worry about the threat of getting tackled by oncoming pass rushers. “Just […] Read more
In a rare college performance last Wednesday, President MC Obama debuted his newest single at George Washington University. His latest track is titled “Budget Proposal” and is roughly 43 and a half minutes long. The song debuted was in front of a packed house filled with government officials and students alike–Obama’s typical cult following. […] Read more
Make-A-Wish Recipient Regrets Wish Story by Matt Sueper | Published Apr 19, 2011 Last Tuesday, “Little” Timmy Roberts, age eight, was finally able to fulfill his lifelong dream of meeting his sports hero, third-baseman for the New York Yankees Alex Rodriguez, through the Make-A-Wish Foundation. A resident of Lincoln, Timmy has been a fan of […] Read more
Contrary to UNL junior Ricky Long’s judgment, getting a Volcano Burrito at Taco Bell at 2 AM turned out to not actually be a good idea. The Tex-Mex delicacy was purchased while Long was reportedly intoxicated and most likely high, and it left his digestive tract nearly forty minutes later “It looks so good on […] Read more
It is so aggravating to watch serial killers today. As a–I hate to be arrogant–masterful serial killer, I do understand the challenges that face these guys. It’s hard to get girls (or whatever your preference is) to be alone with you long enough to kill them and leave your signature on the crime scene, sure. […] Read more
As the former Cornhusker starting quarterback, Zac Lee has known his share of adversity. With the approach of the NFL 2011 Draft, however, Lee is hopeful that his luck will soon turn around. “I know that the Panthers will be calling sooner or later,” a rain soaked and ragged Lee said outside Radio City Music […] Read more
Oh, hello. I didn’t see you there. What, me? I was just composing my next girl-meets-boy pop song. It’s just something I do in my spare time, as I’m awkward and can never live out my dreams of being with the cutest guy in high school. It’s truly a shame that these fanciful love stories […] Read more
After weeks of hearing coaches talk about which quarterbacks were going to “step up and lead,” Rex Burkhead couldn’t take it anymore. “I kept hearing the coaches yelling at the quarterbacks and telling them to ‘lead by example,’ and I couldn’t take it anymore. I just walked right up to coach Beck and told him […] Read more
Following reports of a severe spike in depressed pets during the last year, researchers at the University of California – Santa Cruz found a surprising correlation between a rare, little-investigated disorder among Midwestern pets and a certain American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA)-sponsored commercial featuring popular 1990’s recording artist Sarah McLachlan. The […] Read more
In an act of charity, Disney is sending pictures of Disney World to poor families across the nation. These “gift packages” include high-definition photos of various attractions, as well as descriptions of the “magic” that a Disney park can bring to the average family. Disney is hoping that the pictures and descriptions will be enough […] Read more
