Former University of Nebraska-Lincoln student and sophomore supply chain management and analytics major Ashlee Chappel was immediately transformed into a high-powered Chief Executive Officer of a major Fortune 500 company following the creation of her LinkedIn profile, sources reported Tuesday. DailyER reporters were notified of Chappel’s transformation via an immediate upsurge in the stock price […] Read more
Nebraska’s snow accumulation stated that it “could use a good plowing” according to sources standing outside during this month’s snowfall. The frigid, ivory-colored natural phenomenon said it dared city officials to “bring its shovels, trucks, the whole works,” as a result of it having been, “such a dirty, dirty mess” in the city’s streets. “I […] Read more
Nebraska Cornhuskers running back Maurice Washington is officially being charged with the possession of child pornography and distributing revenge porn in the state of California. The University of Nebraska-Lincoln Athletic Department first learned that Washington was under investigation last September. “Washing-who? I’ve never heard that name before in my life,” said the befuddled UNL Director of Athletics […] Read more
The University of Nebraska-Lincoln is turning 150 on Feb. 15 and the university is declining to comment about any of it. “I’ll talk to you about the present,” the university said. “But the past is the past.” It is rumored that it doesn’t like being told how long it’s been around because it makes it […] Read more
Film graduate student Josh Smith, 24, was browsing the eBay in search of film needed for a thesis paper at a cheap price. While looking for “The Bionic Woman,” listings for the LEGO toy line “Bionicle” popped up. Smith was 6 when “Bionicle” was introduced and it soon became his favorite childhood toy. “I totally […] Read more
What’s up, idiots. It’s Troy back at you with some fresh opinions and shit. That’s right, I’m not pulling any punches here. Hope those idiot editors of this shitty paper don’t try to censor me like they did last time, cuz guess what idiots, my dad’s super rich. Oh, you thought this was an opinion? […] Read more
Sophomore engineering major Mariah Harvey had never seen the world the same way before. After a quick visit to Wal-Mart and investing 98 cents on a bright pink planner, the sun started to glow a little brighter. “It was crazy,” Harvey said. “I wish I would have known about the power of a planner before […] Read more
According to an astonishing report released Thursday, University of Nebraska-Lincoln senior Kacy Alarcon’s grade point average peaked while the twenty-two year old economics major was in high school. “All of our research indicates a sharp decline in [Alarcon’s] GPA beginning in her senior year,” reported Miguel Cooper, senior researcher and chief author of the study. […] Read more
Your asshole roommate is somehow more racist after spending a heartfelt Christmas holiday with his family, sources reported Friday. According to startled and thoroughly disgusted sources, roommate Justin Wilson’s anti-minority rhetoric really took a turn for the worst as soon as he returned from winter vacation. “My dad came up with an awesome joke over […] Read more
It was a nice and long break for freshman Jim Johnson. After spending three weeks with family and trying to avoid high school friends, Johnson was exhausted. When he arrived back to his Abel North dorm room Sunday night, he knew what he needed to do. It was officially nap time. He brushed his teeth, […] Read more
