"All the News That Fits to Print"
Students are registering for classes for the Spring Semester, and that means junior Julie Carson is pissed off again about the flood of inquiring Facebook posts. “You would have to be an absolute moron to go on to a website and ask...
As of Monday evening, reports began circulating that campus freshman Gracie McPherson has chosen to wait until the second half of the year to experiment with sexual activity involving her anus. “I’m still getting acclimated to the...
There was a quick slide of a key card, the turn of a handle, and a short gasp before the door was slammed shut. “Well, it finally happened,” says freshman Zach Hennery with a sigh. “I finally saw my roommate’s dick.” Hennery, a...
Following the news that Carl Pelini was recently fired from his coaching position at Florida Atlantic University for smoking marijuana, reports have surfaced that a nervous, spacey Bo Pelini has been constantly spraying Febreze all over...
According to a recent study conducted by Professor Michael Yoats, not enough people give Michael Yoats the respect Michael Yoats and his doctorate—an eight year endeavor—fucking deserve. The frustrated PhD. holder, who is a tenured...
So UNL’s Chancellor of Twitter, Harvey Perlman, had to move the goalposts on his target date for UNL to reach 30,000 students last week. Instead of...
After an 11 year run in the Nebraska Student Union, Sbarro is likely finally set to close its cage for good. But one student is not ready to accept...
“Oh man, so this is what this classroom looks like. I’ve never been here before. Cool looking windows.” And with those glorious words, 5th...
After 28 years of middling service and disgruntled employees, former video rental giant Blockbuster has been brought to its knees, and local dad/VHS...
University of Nebraska sports are rich in tradition. The tradition doesn’t stop with the series of nicknames that has adorned Husker players and...
- My girlfriend of three years just left me. How do I get over the feeling of crippling loneliness and move on with my life? – Shawn T, sophomore...
